So far this week, we have seen four ways to make sure your marriage ends in divorce.
- Do not pray together.
- Live your lives on two separate tracks.
- Sleep single in a double bed.
- Wait until things are critical until you seek for help.
Now, you say, “how did you come up with this list?” These are common threads seen in all the couples we have counseled over the years who’s marriages were falling apart. The fifth way to make sure your marriage ends in divorce is to stop talking to each other. For instance,
- When you go out to eat, you are not engaged in conversation; your mind and your eyes wonder all over the place. You are more interested, men, in eating than creating meaningful conversation.
- You limit your conversation to the basic elements of the day such as: “What time will you be home?” or “Who’s getting the kids at school today?” or “What’s for supper?”
- Neither husband nor wife are willing to take time to listen to each other share about their day and their personal cares.
- You connect in more meaningful conversation with your children and co-workers than your spouse.
- You do not discuss future plans, purchases, or goals.
- You carry past hurts and offenses around in your heart for days, weeks, months, years.
How do you correct this mute situation?
- Set aside a time each day to just talk to each other. If you have children, have a set time for them to go to bed each night. Don’t let your children come between you and your spouse working on your communication. If you are empty-nesters, talk with each other in the morning or at a meal. Give each other at least ten minutes of your undivided attention FOR TALKING.
- The person you should have the most intimate conversations with is your spouse. Therefore, guard emails, Facebook messages, texts and tweets to the opposite sex.
- Men, you initiate the conversation. Your wife is longing for you to talk to her which helps fulfill her need for security. It tells her that she’s important and what she has to say is important. Ask her about her day, her concerns, her disappointments, what God is teaching her from the Word, about her ambitions and desires, what she has been thinking lately about life, church, school, the children, etc.
- Wives, talk about things that matter to your husband—his work, his goals, his desires, how God is working in his life, etc. Please take this in the right spirit, wives, learn to be still and let him talk. Don’t interrupt.
- Let love cover a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). Don’t harbor grudges, offenses, or bitterness. Talk lovingly about what concerns you and respond biblically. Take it to the cross; run to Christ (Philippians 2:5-11).
- Learn to be transparent and vulnerable with each other. Trust has to be developed, but complete openness between each other is priceless. This produces wholesome intimacy (Genesis 2:25).
- Return to the days when you had a love language that was all your own with pet nicknames, love songs, terms of endearment, whispering in each other’s ear, etc, etc, etc. Do you catch my drift?????