From A Pastor's Heart

Years ago, country music artist, Barbara Mandrell, made popular a song entitled, Sleeping Single in a Double Bed. The song laments the husband’s departure and how lonely the nights are without him by her side. I’m not condoning the song, but sadly, this song title is played out in many marriages night-after-night.

So, what’s another way to divorce-proof your marriage? Don’t make a habit of sleeping single in a double bed.

The Word of God says, Marriage is honorable (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) among all, and the bed undefiled (pure); but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:4-5). 

What are some things we can learn from this passage that would correct this marriage-killer?

1. Marriage is honorable because God ordained it at creation (Genesis 2:18), and it is recognized as such by all three persons of the Trinity (Matthew 19:1-9; John 2:1-11; Ephesians 5:18-33).
2. Marriage is honorable as a lifetime commitment between one woman and one man (Genesis 2:18-25; Malachi 2:16; Matthew 19:1-9; Ephesians 5:18-33).
3. Marriage is honorable because it is physically and spiritually fulfilling.  When marriage is not given its rightful place, then discontentment and covetousness sets in.  The temptation to “graze in other fields” and think that what you have is just not good enough leads to a broken home and a reproach to Christ. Just as Christ said He would never leave us or forsake us, so should a husband and wife follow suit.  The plans and provisions of God for man and woman is sufficient for all of life.
4. Marriage is honorable and the bed is too.  The marriage bed refers to sex within the boundaries of marriage.  Take heed to the following from Pastor Steve Cole:

But the Bible affirms the pleasure of the sexual relationship in marriage, both for men and women. Solomon instructs his son to let his wife’s breasts satisfy him at all times, and to be exhilarated with her love (Prov. 5:19). The Song of Solomon extols the joys of sex in marriage for both partners. Paul tells both husbands and wives that they do not have authority over their own bodies, but their spouse does, and that they have a responsibility to meet the sexual needs of their mate as a preventative to immorality (1 Cor. 7:2-5). Sarah refers to sexual relations with her husband as having pleasure with him (Gen. 18:12).

Sex in marriage is directly related to the interpersonal relationship. God designed it that way. There must be mutual sensitivity, caring, and respect in the relationship between husband and wife as the foundation for the enjoyment of the sexual aspect. But I am emphasizing what Paul states, that it is a God-given preventative against sexual sin (1 Cor. 7:2). I once counseled a couple where the husband had fallen into adultery. He and his wife had not had sexual relations in over ten years and she assumed that everything was just fine! He was really angry about this, but he hadn’t said anything. When a neighbor woman became friendly, he fell. Sadly, the couple eventually divorced. It all could have been avoided if they had followed the clear teaching of Scripture: “Stop depriving one another” (1 Cor. 7:5).

So, you want to divorce-proof your marriage, then honor what God said is honorable!  Here are some practical steps:

1. Go to bed together.  Turn off the TV, the computer, the video games, etc.  If you are making a habit of staying up while your spouse goes to bed, you are not creating an environment of intimacy, love, care and prayer.  One of the sweetest things you can do before drifting off to sleep is pray while holding hands and together casting all your care on the Lord.
2. Put the children in their bed.  I realize that our little ones can be frightened by storms, for instance, but your children need to know that your bedroom is your haven, not theirs.  They have their rooms.  Our children should never become a hindrance to a healthy marriage.  What a paradox—you let the children sleep with you and it becomes an obstacle in your marriage because you have put them before your spouse. Then if a divorce happens, the children are the ones who get the worse end of the split!  Even in reference to the bed, you need to show your children what a real, honorable marriage looks like.
3. Make your bedroom a place you really want to be.  If the marriage bed is called honorable by God, then make the bedroom honorable.  Make up your bed in the morning and have nice blankets and covers on your bed.  Make your bedroom inviting.  Don’t stack stuff up on the dresser or leave clothes piled up on the floor or your bedroom looking like a dungeon.  Make your bedroom a castle even on a meager budget.  Add some romantic touches like candles, music, pictures with love quotes, etc.
4. Don’t go to bed angry.  Ephesians 4:26 reminds us, Do not let the sun go down on your anger.  Anger has destroyed many marriages.  Here’s where praying and forgiveness, whether you feel like it or not, would be so helpful to diffuse and correct any situation of anger.
5. Don’t make up excuses for not sleeping together.  So, for instance, your husband snores. Get some earplugs, medical help, play music, whatever, but let your marriage vows of “for better, for worse” be fulfilled here.  Now, I realize that health issues may cause you to sleep elsewhere, but if all is well, please sleep with your spouse. Make up for time away a night during the day! Remember, your flesh and the devil will give you all the excuses you need to destroy your relationship.

God is able, and He is faithful (1 Corinthians 10:13; 2 Corinthians 9:8)

No more sleeping single in a double-bed!!