Pastor, You Need Friends!

“Friendship … is born at the moment when one man says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

There are many, many blessings and joys of being in the ministry, but a common characteristics of being a pastor is loneliness. But does it have to be this way?

Loneliness in ministry can be attributed to . . .

A weak marriage.
A “Lone Ranger” mentality.
Isolation.
Fear.
Past hurts and unconfessed bitterness.
“The Elijah syndrome” (I am the only one . . . )
Keeping everything bottled up and refusing to share.
Not cultivating friendships outside of the congregation.

Just as loneliness is a common characteristic among those in ministry, I have found a common parallel . . . the lack of pastors intentionally reaching out to other pastors with the goal of developing different levels of friendships.

Pastors, you need ministry friends who . . .

Will pray with you.
Share Scripture with you.
Hold you accountable.
Will help you with your blind spots.
Live nearby and not just far away.
You can just laugh with and unwind.
Will encourage you as you do them.
You can be vulnerable and transparent with without fear of being looked down on.
Will speak the truth into your heart.
Are not in competition with you.
Allow you to just be yourself.
Understand your ministry culture because they are in the same.

Indeed, Jesus is your very best friend, and your wife should be second, but do not neglect the need of intentionally taking time to meet up with other pastors. Meet at a coffee shop, hike, play golf, share in a hobby, etc.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17)

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. (Proverbs 27:9)

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

A great way to live out the Christ-life is through genuine friendships. If Jesus no longer calls us servants but friends and brings us into His inner circle, we can no longer isolate ourselves from our ministry brothers, our friends in Christ (John 15:1-16).

Action Plan:

Ask the Lord to lead you to whom you should reach out to (pastors that live near you).
Schedule some meet up times on your calendar. You make the first call.
Enjoy your most important bond . . . friends in Christ, brothers in Christ. That’s greater than your position as a pastor.
Make sure you have time to pray and read the Word together.
Enjoy the journey!