7 Reasons Why Pleasing People is Extremely Detrimental

A few days ago while paying my meal bill at Cracker Barrel, I looked over to my right and saw this sign.  Customer service is number one for any business, and usually Cracker Barrel does a good job of reaching that goal.  Also, I understand why it’s needed in the business world.

As I waited for the cashier to ring up another order, my mind began to whirl about those two words placed in such a prominent place in the restaurant . . . “Pleasing People.”

Can you really?  How many people are there in the world?

Alright, let’s be fair, what’s the average amount of people who walk through the doors of any Cracker Barrel on any given day?  So take that number and consider how many likes and dislikes each person has.  Then add to that the changing nature of every man.  Then consider what each individual desires in reference to food, food & beverage, food, beverage, and dessert, food and store products, and that food orders are changed often.  I’m worn out already thinking about it!

So I ask again, can you really please people?  Does the Word of God command us to please people?

Seeking to please people in a fallen, sinful world is like a gerbil-on-a-wheel!  Think about it:

  1. If pleasing people is your standard for living, then you have made people your god. You shall have no other gods before Me (Exodus 20:3).
  2. Pleasing people promotes selfish living. We are exhorted to serve others (Matthew 23:11), but when we let our children or other adults be the standard for living, we are encouraging their selfishness . . . and ours.
  3. Pleasing people brings great frustration due to the many perspectives and desires on the part of those you are trying to please. No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other (Matthew 6:24).
  4. Pleasing people can become your personal self-esteem barometer. If people like what you are doing, then you are a success and vice versa.  You forget that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:14) and as a believer, accepted in the Beloved (Ephesians 1:6).
  5. Pleasing people leads to an ungodly, disobedient comparison game. For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. (2 Corinthians 10:12).
  6. Pleasing people is a stress-producer. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid (John 14:27). Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free. The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? (Psalm 118:5-6)
  7. Pleasing people will always leave you with a wrong view of God.

The only thing that will overcome living to please people is to have a correct view of who you are in the sight of God.  At the moment of your salvation, you are accepted by God through His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1:6).  Your past, present and future sins have been paid for and forgiven by Christ taking your place on the cross (1 Peter 2:18-24).  Therefore, you are justified by His blood (Romans 3:23-25; 5:1-8), and you have peace with God.  In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding (Ephesians 1:7-8).

Now, you no longer have to live your life thinking you have to please God to get Him to love you, reward you or bless you.  You are already accepted in His sight through Christ (Ephesians 1:6); you are complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10); and you have a Shepherd Who leads you all the way to Glory (Psalm 23).  Therefore, we have joy in pleasing our Heavenly Father because of Who and What He is and because His commandments are not burdensome (1 John 5:3).

When do we not enjoy pleasing Him? When we want to please ourself or others for wrong motives.

Paul, speaking about the gospel, said, For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ (Galatians 1:10).

Scripture is full of instruction on how to treat others, but it warns us not to be in the people-pleasing business.

Good-luck, Cracker Barrel!

Breaking News!

 

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OH NO!  What’s happening???  Grab the kids and run for the shelter!!  Quick, hide your money!  Peek outside! Are they coming to cut off my head????

We live in a fear-mongering world!

I would venture to say that way too much of our lives, our decisions, and our actions are motivated by fear.  Our thoughts are consumed with, “Oh my! What if . . . .!”

Think about it, when is the last time you heard Fox News or any other news outlet use the “Breaking News” announcement for something that was wholesome, encouraging, and completely truthful?  Those two words are a literal catch-phrase, and indeed, when announced, they’ve gotcha!  Your attention is captured and your heart moves to fear . . . “Now what?”

Fear is a money-maker.

Fear is a peace-stealer.

Fear is a heart-stirrer.

Fear is an alarm-ringer.

Fear is a stress-producer.

Fear is a blind-puller.

Fear is a joy-crusher.

Fear is an obedience-excuser.

I must be honest, as I have written in this blog, fear is something that I have had to battle in my life.  And usually what we fear, just like worry which is its second-cousin, never happens.  There are many things in my life that I have missed out on because I was afraid.  The most important of all . . . just living day-by-day under the sunshine of God’s loving, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, sovereign care.

Now, before I am thrown under the bus, I understand being wise, cautious, and having common sense, but fear that does not trust in the promises and character of God is of the flesh and Satan!

Just stop for a moment and think of all the things you fear.  Write them down.  Then go to the Word and see what God says about them.

For starters, what fears do these truths obliterate?

Isaiah 41:10 – Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

2 Timothy 1:7 – For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

Psalm 23:1-4 – The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.

Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.

Truth is, every time you are fearful, “Breaking News” should be a passage of Scripture brought to the forefront of your mind!  God’s “Breaking News” is fresh, eternal, truthful, calming, encouraging, and fear-removing.  Read Psalm 34:4 again.  Do you want the devil or The Deliverer?

So what will come to your mind the next time you hear, “Breaking News!”?

That Dimmed Look

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There she sat, all prettied up, seated in her comfy chair, and a silent stare etched on her sweet face and a dimmed look in her eye.  The TV was playing on old rerun of Gunsmoke. When I entered the room, she lifted her clouded eyes and smiled a bit, but she did not recognize me.

I knelt down on one knee beside her, greeted her warmly, and began a conversation that was mostly one-sided.  She handed me something that was very real to her but only imaginary to me. That dimmed look was one of struggle as she tried to put words together to form a sentence, but she could only mumble a few recognizable words at best.  She called me by another name, “Mr. Gilbert,” which reminded me of the many years of hearing her say, “Well, there’s my pastor!”

That dimmed look, eyes a bit foggy, soon was changed.  As I began to quote Psalm 23, she joined me word-for-word and her countenance was lifted.  Then I began to sing How Great Thou Art to which she chimed in.  Her precious, melodic soprano voice was clear and precise. Our duet continued through two stanzas of Amazing Grace and one verse of In the Garden.

When we finished our mini-concert of praise, I had prayer with her.  She hugged me, kissed my cheek, and thanked me for coming to see her, once again struggling to put words together. As I headed for the door, she returned to her dimmed look with that bit of a silent stare.

As I walked down the hallway, I couldn’t help but think about what came to her mind so readily and caused her dimmed look to be one of hope-filled anticipation. She probably learned Psalm 23 as a child and has sung those songs for years because of her personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ alone.

If I were in her shoes . . . would I have the same response?  Have I filled my mind with whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praise-worthy (Philippians 4:8)?  Have the praises of God and His Word been my meditation (Joshua 1:8; Psalm 19:14; Ephesians 5:19; Colossians 3:16) while I still have the capability to do so?  Or is my mind filled with worry, fretting, anxiety, fear, lies, lust, bitterness, useless trivia, and “breaking news”?

In time her memory will totally fade unless the Lord calls her Home before then.  But in the meantime, that dimmed looked is brightened when the chords of her heart are reminded of what really matters . . . the eternal things, the Eternal One  . . . the One she will see and know forever when her faith becomes complete sight.  No more dimmed look.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. (1 Corinthians 13:12)

Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. (1 John 3:2)

 

My Savior First of All

When my lifework is ended and I cross the swelling tide,
When the bright and glorious morning I shall see;
I shall know my Redeemer when I reach the other side,
And His smile will be the first to welcome me.

Chorus:
I shall know Him, (I shall know Him,) I shall know Him,
And redeemed by His side I shall stand;
I shall know Him, (I shall know Him,) I shall know Him
By the print of the nails in His hand.

2 Oh, the soul-thrilling rapture when I view His blessed face,
And the luster of His kindly beaming eye;
How my full heart will praise Him for the mercy, love and grace,
That prepared for me a mansion in the sky.

—- Fanny Crosby

Dying to Self

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For seventeen Monday nights in-a-row which started January 1, men have been gathering at Boones Creek Bible Church for an intensive discipleship study entitled Men With a Mission.  The seventeen lessons are a serious call to commitment, dedication, and sacrifice with the goal of fulfilling 2 Timothy 2:2, And the things which thou hast heard from me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also. These lessons, if applied, will develop godly men, build strong leaders, build godly homes, help with the basics of the Christian life, and accomplish Christ’s final command.

Our study last night, Dying to Self, drew us to the Word of God to discover what it means to die to self and the process of dying to self (Matt. 6:19-33; 8:18-22; 10:32-39; 16:24-28; Luke 9:23-26; 14:25-33; John 13:13-17; Romans 6; 12:1-3; Philippians 2; Colossians 3; Titus 2:14; Hebrews 12:1-2).

Below you will find a pointed, helpful application of what “dying to self” looks like. May I challenge you, in prayer, to look at each point, meditate on it, let the Holy Spirit speak to you, and see where you need, by the grace of God, to die to self. . . minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, day-by-day. 

Dying to Self

When you are not forgiven,

or neglected,

or purposely set at naught,

and you sting and hurt

with the insult and the oversight,

but your heart is happy

because you count it worthy to suffer for Christ:

that is self-denial.

When your good is evil spoken of,

when your wishes are crossed,

your advice is disregarded,

your opinions are ridiculed,

you refuse to let anger rise in your heart

or even defend yourself,

you take it all in patient, loving silence:

that is dying to self.

When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder,

any irregularity,

or any annoyance,

when you can stand face to face with waste

and folly

and extravagance

and spiritual insensitivity,

and endure it as Jesus endured it:

that is dying to self.

When you’re content with any food,

any offering,

any clothes,

any climate,

any society,

any solitude,

any interruption by the will of God:

that is dying to self.

When you can never care to refer to yourself in conversation,

or to record your own good works,

or itch after commendation,

when you can love to be unknown:

that is dying to self.

When you see your brother prosper

and have his needs met,

and honestly rejoice with him in spirit

and feel no envy,

nor question God,

while your own needs are far greater and unmet:

that is dying to self.

When you can receive correction and reproof

from one of less stature than yourself,

and humbly submit

inwardly as well as outwardly,

finding no rebellion or resentment rising in your heart:

that is dying to self.

If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself,
and take up his cross daily and follow Me.
For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it,
but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.
For what is a man profited if he gains the whole world,
and loses or forfeits himself?
– Luke 9:23-25 –

May I Introduce You To . . . . .

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What is your purpose in life? Please answer before you read on.

Yesterday morning while waiting on my coffee to brew, I scrolled through Instagram and came across these words from Dr. Charles Stanley:

When He (God) saved you, He saved you to do what? To walk in relationship with Jesus Christ so that everybody who meets you meets Him.  Therefore, you have a definite purpose in your life for being saved besides going to heaven.

That middle sentence arrested my attention and churned in my mental mill all day long.

When I was a young boy on into my teen years, I traveled with my dad to many preacher’s meetings and Bible Conferences.  He always introduced me to as many preachers as was around him.  What a privilege to shake their hands, both men of renown and lesser known men, and to hear many of them preach.  Some of them even stayed in our home.  My life was and continues to be enriched by being around such men.

Just as my father would introduce me to those men, those of us who know Christ as our personal Lord and Savior have the greatest privilege and purpose, to introduce Jesus to those who meet us!  In all of life, it does not matter if others know us or remember us.  What matters is if they are introduced to Christ through us!  If when they meet us, they meet Jesus!

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20).

People will meet Jesus in us when . . .

  • When daily spend time reading, studying, memorizing and meditating on the Word (Joshua 1:8). You are what you think, so the Word must be in our mind (Proverbs 23:7)
  • When we have met with our God in prayer in the morning and live in the atmosphere of prayer throughout the day (Matthew 6:6-13; 1 Thessalonians 5:17).
  • When we love Him with all of our heart (Matthew 22:37-40). You talk about the ones you love such as your spouse, kids, or grandchildren.  What about the Lord?
  • When we walk in the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). The Spirit’s number one responsibility is to point to Christ, so when we surrendered to the Spirit in us, Christ is magnified (Philippians 1:20).
  • When you choose to personally live for Christ alone (Philippians 1:21).
  • When we love others as Christ does (1 John 4:12).
  • When we verbally tell others about Christ in fulfilling our purpose of the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20).
  • When you talk of Him in conversation, not to show off, but because He is your life (Colossians 1:27).

So, as you go about your day today, who will others meet . . . you or Christ?  Who is the most important?

Lord, Bless My Children or Philippians 4:8

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Have you ever listened to yourself pray?

Do you say the same prayer phrases over and over again?

Has prayer become dull, boring and a duty?

What are you praying for your children or grandchildren?

There is a huge difference in praying, “Lord, bless my children.  Help them to have a good day,” and praying Philippians 4:8 for your children.  For instance . . .

“Lord, help my children today to think what is true and live what is true.  May truth guide their every step.  May the Word of God come readily to their mind when they are tempted to do wrong or need encouragement to do right.  May they commune in prayer with You, Jesus, Who is the Truth.  And, Lord, may my children today be truth tellers, speaking the truth and sharing the truth.”

When you pray Scripture, you are praying in the will of God (1 John 5:14-15), your praying comes alive (Hebrews 4:12), and you move from tired, old prayer cliques and empty phrases (vain repetition, Matthew 6:7) to prayer that comes alive (Hebrews 4:12)!

I would challenge you to take your daily prayer list and place Scripture references beside each one.  Then, pray that Scripture from a sincere heart of genuine relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ.  Pray expectantly!  Cry out to the Lord in believing prayer because it is based upon the eternal words of God!

For additional help: 31 Biblical Virtues to Pray for Your Children

The Day After Valentine’s

 

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Valentine’s Day is always a very special day for married lovebirds!!  Red roses, boxes of chocolates, dinner dates, romantic venues, recalling of Valentine’s Days of the past, perfume, cards, terms of endearment left on sticky notes all over the house, pictures posted on Facebook and Instagram, communications of the degree of love for each other, and on and on it goes for this special day!!

But . . . what about today, the day after Valentine’s Day?  You put much thought into how you would express your love to your Sweetheart.  You went out of your way to purchase that perfect gift.  You fantasized in your mind the most romantic setting and fulfillment for this special day.  You wrote down your thoughts of love and appreciation in a card.  You made sure the whole world knew about it on Facebook.

All of this took intentional thought and effort.

This leads to me say one crucial thing about how to keep your marriage moving forward, to keep it hummin’!

You have to work at it every day! 

No, you don’t have to buy a $75 bouquet of flowers or have a candlelight dinner at Ruth’s Chris every day. You intentionally . . .

  • Verbalize your love to each another
  • Kiss (Eliminate the peck!)
  • Pray together
  • Hold hands
  • Look at each other
  • Seat your wife at the table
  • Pray together
  • Hug each other
  • Serve each other
  • Enjoy a 5-minute date in the pantry with the door closed
  • Leave love notes
  • Pray together
  • Share what God has taught you from His Word
  • Laugh together
  • Hold each other
  • Speak words of encouragement
  • Enjoy being with each other
  • Listen to each other
  • Pray together
  • Forgive each other
  • Make sure your spouse comes before your children
  • Make sure your spouse knows you love him/her more than the children
  • Pray together
  • Be gracious to each other
  • Touch each other
  • Pay attention to each other like your mate was Facebook
  • Wash her car
  • Pray together
  • Bake him his favorite cookies
  • Do the things you did when you were dating . . . even many years later
  • Keep having fun (Don’t grow old grumpy!)
  • Pray together

So, what are your intentional plans for your lovebird today, the day after Valentine’s Day?

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On the Same Page Together

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Yesterday I received my daily email from All-Pro Dad, and the post for Wednesday was entitled, 4 Areas You and Your Wife Need to Be on the Same Page

The four areas are:

  1. Touching throughout the day.
  2. Spending money wisely.
  3. Making big decisions together.
  4. Having an Open-Heart policy.

BONUS: Closing the day in prayer

These four things are spot-on, but what caught my attention was the title of the article and the bonus.  They describe the real need of every marriage.

The page that every marriage should work from each day is a page from God’s Word.

The bonus in every marriage, every day is prayer!

You see, God, the Creator of marriage between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:18-25), is also the Author of God’s Word.  Therefore, for a husband and wife to be blessed and have an honorable marriage, they will work off the same page . . . the page(s) of God’s Word.

Since God is righteous (Psalm 145:17), then all His ways, counsel, direction, and wisdom is right.  You want to know what’s right for your marriage, then both of you work off the same page, God’s Word!

Husband and wives should read the Word together, share with each other what God teaches you each day-by-day from the Word, faithfully attend a Bible teaching and preaching church, be exposed to biblical preaching via podcasts or radio, attend camps and conferences where you can learn the Word together, and live your lives in accordance to God’s right path (Joshua 1:8-9; Psalm 1:1-6; 19:7-14).

Proverbs 14:11 reminds us, There is a way which seems right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.  Since marriage is the union of two selfish individuals whose way seems always best to themselves, it is most wise to walk in the counsel of God’s righteous Word.

The power and place of God’s Word is on display in Psalm 119.  Here’s an action plan. How about each day, you and your spouse read one eight-verse section from Psalm 119.  Take turns reading each verse out loud and stopping after each verse to listen to God and share with each other how that verse applies to your life and marriage.  Then jot down in a journal your thoughts, biblical plans, and the righteous path God has revealed to you as you read, discuss and meditate on the Word.

Finally, enjoy the BONUS—pray together.  Don’t just wait until the end of the day.  Find yourselves praying for and with each other throughout the day and night.  The absolute best place to go with your spouse is to the Throne of Grace (Hebrews 4:14-16).

Now, that’s really working off the same page!!

Get to Work!!

underconstruction
That’s a sign that should be posted on the front door of every married couple’s home . . . and never removed. Every marriage is a work in progress and must be worked on every day. Sadly, many marriages look like a run down, unkempt house. How did that house that once was fresh and new become one with windows broken, shingles missing, shutters banging against the wall, and many other signs of neglect and disrepair? It all started with a little neglect here and a little carelessness there. And so it is with marriage. How does that marriage which began with much fanfare and perhaps extravagance become like a broken down house?
  • You take each other for granted.
  • You stop talking to each other, face-to-face, like you did when you were dating; the terms of endearment are few.
  • You let the children take priority over your marriage relationship.
  • You permit the deception of busyness to create unhealthy separation between you.
  • You do not go to bed at the same time. (Understanding that work schedules can be a deterrent)
  • You spend more time with social media than socializing with your spouse.
  • You stop taking care of yourself. Remember how you tried to look good for a date? Why not now? You let yourself go physically, spiritually and mentally.
  • You expect to be served rather than serving each other.
  • You have not used the phrases “I’m sorry” and/or “Please forgive me” in a long, long time.
  • You haven’t held hands in a long time.
  • You live like a victim instead of a victor in Christ.
  • Your kisses are more pecks than “dating specials”!

So, how do you fix a run-down house? One room or area at a time. If you are hearing the shutter knocking against the walls of your marriage, humble yourself in the sight of the Lord and your spouse and start in one area at a time. You don’t repair a house overnight. Be proactive instead of inactive. Put the “Work in Progress” sign back up and by God’s grace, rebuild your marriage. (A good place to start is reading Ephesians 4:18-6:18 to each other.)

A Touch of Heaven

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It is now 355 days away, and yes, I am counting, until we gather again for the Friday evening session of Men’s Prayer Advance!  Every year, I must say that it is a “little bit of heaven on earth.”  There is a genuine spirit of expectancy; a passion to worship in song, prayer and praise; a longing to hear the Word preached again; and an unparalleled unity among men before the Throne of God!

How is it that over 600 men gathered in one auditorium are singing with all their heart and voice, even if they have no musical ability?  How is it that these men are uninhibited in their expressions of love for God and surrender to God?  How is that men are willing to clap and/or raise their hands in praise, shout for joy, and even move to the altar in conviction even during a sermon, pray with such honesty and transparency, and not be ashamed to confess Christ before their peers?

I believe the answer is found in Exodus 14:30-31, Thus the Lord saved Israel that day from the hand of the Egyptians, and Israel saw the Egyptians dead on the seashore. Israel saw the great power that the Lord used against the Egyptians, so the people feared the Lord, and they believed in the Lord and in his servant Moses. 

And then note their response to the Lord’s working as recorded in Exodus 15:1-3 and following,

Then Moses and the people of Israel sang this song to the Lord, saying,

“I will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously;

    the horse and his rider he has thrown into the sea.

2 The Lord is my strength and my song,

    and he has become my salvation;

this is my God, and I will praise him,

    my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

3 The Lord is a man of war;

    the Lord is his name.

The Children of Israel had been exposed to the character and works of God!  They saw, listened, believed and then worshiped!

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The Friday night service is a touch of heaven because we arrive on Thursday afternoon in need of a touch from God, a heart-change.  From the very first general session until Friday night, we are exposed to powerful, convicting preaching; many times of prayer with another man or in groups; CPR prayer (confession, praise, requests) in our Thursday half-night of prayer; Sweet Hour of Prayer on Friday mid-morning; breakout sessions that deal with men’s heart issues; and music that magnifies Christ, glorifies God, and lifts the soul!

So, when Friday night rolls around, you have over 600 men who are ready to worship because as we heard this year, “we are not cleaner, we are CLEAN” before the Lord!

You know, Sunday services at church, for instance, should be times of awesome worship, too, if we are being exposed every day to the Word and broken in prayer!  When you have a daily fresh encounter with God Who is your Holy, Loving, Just, Righteous, Awesome, Transcendent Heavenly Father, it will affect your worship!  And as Romans 12:1-2 reminds us, worship is 24-7 . . . not just on Sundays or Men’s Prayer Advance.

So, are you giving God Exodus 15 kind of praise today?

Are your co-workers experiencing salt and light (Matthew 5:14-15) and seeing Matthew 5:16 fulfilled in their lives because you have been exposed to the Son?

Will today in your home before your family and next Sunday at your church be a touch of heaven because you are clean?

As we were so challenged this year, we must “keep the clay wet” (Jeremiah 18:6); “shut the door” (Matthew 6:5-15); and “stay in faith” (Hebrews 11:6).

(If you want to watch the services, check out this site as well as the other links: Thursday NIght Service 1.26.17)