(Enjoying the Pleasures; Avoiding the Potholes)
As my wife and I were walking through the local mall one day, an immodestly dressed woman came toward us. As she approached, I turned my eyes to look the other direction. A few moments later my wife said, “Thank you for looking the other way.” Wow! I did not even think she saw my eyes from her vantage point, but on that occasion for more than one reason was I glad I chose the right response!!
Your wife will find security/protection in your open, honest, loving communication, your continual pursuit, but thirdly, in keeping your eyes to yourself.
Men, the allurements of the flesh are all around us. Satan is aware of our weaknesses and our old sin nature is fully equipped to tempt us into allowing sin to enter into our eye-gate. You cannot clean up the world around you, but you can make choices to keep yourself clean. Sometimes those choices must be radical. I promise you, when you choose to say “no” to temptation, the joy and security you give to your wife and the blessing of your own obedience will be something you will never regret!
Husbands, memorize and meditate on the following passages that we may turn from evil to our wives and give them further security in our love.
Job 31:1 I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?
Psalm 119:37 Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.
Psalm 101:3 I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.
Matthew 5:28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
The fourth area of security is to realize your wife needs you. She needs you to be with her, to be all there when you’re there!
We men are often accused of “being checked out.” We are so preoccupied with the stuff around us, our day at work, the next project we want to complete, etc. Our wives are talking to us, and we don’t hear them. We have that glazed look in our eyes along with a wondering mind.
Have you ever had your wife say to you, “What did I just say?” Oh boy! I’ve been sunk on that one way too many times!
You know, men, if your wife is a stay-at-home mom, she most likely has had child-level conversations all day. She needs an adult to talk to. That should be you. She longs for you to listen, and sometimes men, only listen. If she is sharing an issue or a problem, don’t try to fix it so you can move on to what you want to do. Just listen. When she is done, take her in your arms, hold her tight, and then pray with her and for her. Be her rock of security that tenderly says by your actions, “Baby, I’m all here for you.”
Men, take a cue from Solomon. When you read this passage, you are struck with his attention to the details about his wife. Now, you probably don’t want to tell your beloved that her hair is like a flock of goats!! But, don’t miss the point. That was a term of endearment in Solomon’s day. So, choose some words that your wife would love to hear, and when you are with her, and you are all there, be detailed about how precious she is to you like Solomon did for his wife.
Behold, you are beautiful, my love,
behold, you are beautiful!
Your eyes are doves
behind your veil.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
leaping down the slopes of Gilead.
2 Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes
that have come up from the washing,
all of which bear twins,
and not one among them has lost its young.
3 Your lips are like a scarlet thread,
and your mouth is lovely.
Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate
behind your veil.
4 Your neck is like the tower of David,
built in rows of stone;[a]
on it hang a thousand shields,
all of them shields of warriors.
5 Your two breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle,
that graze among the lilies. (Song of Solomon 4:1-5)
Another part of being all there when you are there, men, is well-described by the following (Hat-tip here to the anonymous author): “Time is the ‘currency’ of relationships, so invest as much time as you can into your marriage. You need to make money, but don’t use your career as an excuse to be absent. When you are home, be present, not distracted or glued to a screen. Work hard, but also remember that your family can do with less of almost anything if it means having more of you.”
On the scenic route, one of the great pleasures of just being together, the two of you, alone, is the joy of uninterrupted conversation, continual pursuit, keeping your eyes to yourself and being all there! Stop at the parkway overlook, on the bike path, at the ice cream shop, or by the waterfalls and enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your . . . life that He has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life . . . . Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might (Ecclesiastes 9:9-10).