We may be wrapping up the month of February, but working at our marriage is a daily practice. So far this month, using the acrostic V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E, we have seen some ways to grow and change in the blessed gift of a biblical marriage.Continue reading “The Month of Love (T)”
Tag: Communication in Marriage
Taking the Scenic Route in Marriage #4
There are indeed so many pleasures along the scenic route: waterfalls, coffee shops, hiking trails, barbeque & bluegrass, pull-offs, picnic areas, wildlife, quiet, slower speed limits, unique food stops, antique shops, time with your spouse, etc.
Likewise, there are many pleasures in marriage, some of which were very active in the early years of your relationship, but sadly have become dormant as the years rolled by. Let’s look at some of those pleasures, and I will be looking at them from a husband’s point of view. After all, he is the loving, servant leader in the home. So men, here we go!
Proverbs 18:22 reminds us, men, that our wives are a special treasure to us from God; they are a good thing (KJV). They are God’s grace gift to us. We do not deserve our wives. Therefore, by God’s grace we are to treasure this gift and treat her like a lady, like a special treasure.
Ephesians 5:25 says, Husbands love (agape) your wives, even as Christ also loved (agagao) the church and gave [paradidōmi – to give oneself up for, give oneself to death for, to undergo death for] Himself for it.
Men, one of the best ways to treasure our wives and enjoy pleasure in marriage is to die daily to Christ and to ourselves so we can live for Christ and our dear wives. Therefore, one of the first areas of pleasure in marriage is being your wife’s “knight in shining armor” whereby you protect her; she finds security in you.
God designed men and women with particular needs they cannot meet on their own. Part of the goal of marriage is for husbands and wives to meet those needs for each other. Therefore, one of the greatest needs of a woman is for security. Her most secure environment is one in which she is married to a sacrificial, sensitive, loving, caring, godly man. She should find her utmost security in Christ, but next of all, in her husband.
A great example of this is found in the budding relationship of Boaz and Ruth. Read Ruth 2:8-13, and look at how Boaz treated Ruth. No wonder she ended up marrying him!!
Men, your wife will find security in open, honest, consistent communication.
Recently, I heard Evangelist David Young say, “A leader knows the way and uses words!” Compare 1 Peter 3:1 and Ephesians 5:26. In the first passage, a wife is encouraged to not nag or preach to her husband when he is unsaved or not living in fellowship with the Lord. She is to be silent and let God work in her husband’s heart. Now that is contrary to all the jokes and statements about women. Supposedly, according to research, you know “the experts” research, that woman speak over 20,000 words-a-day, and men speak around 7,000 words-a-day. According to Ephesians 5:26, the man is to be the leader in speaking in the home. Just as Christ is setting apart and cleansing the church through the spoken Word of God, a husband is to set his wife apart and help her live a pure life through speaking Truth to her, praying Truth with her, and leading her by the Truth.
Husbands, Satan loves our secrets and our silence. We must be men who talk. Men who speak truth. Men who speak up. Men who do not hide in silence because we don’t want to confront sin or take risks.
Men, talking with your wife will breathe new life into your relationship. Put down your phone. Turn off the ballgame or fishing show. Share your heart with your wife; engage in meaningful conversation. Be honest! Be open!
Husbands, when you speak, also remember that how you say something says so much to your wife. Your communication, attitude in speech, and tone are either building up trust in your wife or tearing it down. Consider the following:
- Think before you speak.
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer (Psalm 19:14).
- Choose your words carefully.
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18).
- Speak words of edification, endearment, encouragement, exhortation, and grace not destruction.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29).
- Do not grieve the Holy Spirit by your words.
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption (Ephesians 4:30).
- Learn to genuinely listen to what your wife is saying as well as to what she is not saying.
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19).
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7).
- Use your words as a grace gift to your wife because God gave you words and the ability to use them. Don’t abuse His gift. (Genesis 1-2; 1 Corinthians 10:31)
The scenic route gives you time to pull over and talk without interruption. That “scenic route” can be after the kids go to bed, or after supper without any electronic devices, or on the back porch as well as on a literal journey down on the scenic route. Some of the best discussions my wife and I have had were sitting on a picnic bench overlooking the valley below, sitting in the rocking chairs on the front porch of a country store, nested beside each other in a cozy coffee shop, walking together through a quaint town, swinging together on our porch swing or sitting on the rocks by a mountain stream . . . just to mention a few.
Men, there are pleasures in marriage, and the first one is the security your wife finds in you as you talk to her, listen to her and always share your heart with her.
Men, take the scenic route. Lead and use words.