I Married My Sister

No, I did not!

But, marriages can seem like that.

What does a marriage look like for a man if he treats his wife like a sister?

  • Someone I am forced to get along with or I get in trouble.
  • She’s just a “bud” in my life.
  • Certainly can’t kiss her! Remember the old sports line, “A tie is like kissing your sister!”?
  • She’s not my completer (Genesis 2:18).
  • She’s your “partner in crime” to bring out the worst in each other.
  • There’s competition between you in school, on the ballfield, etc.
  • You relate to each other on a different plane than God intended.

Husbands, if we get too busy, caught up in our own plans, games, demands, and work, your marriage can take on a brother/sister look rather than two shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

So, what needs to happen for marriage to be as God so ordained?

  • Surrender to God’s will for marriage and enjoy His plan. He will give grace to correct any misdirection your marriage. Marriage belongs to God and only operates in its full capacity as we follow His directives, as we submit to His all sufficient grace (1 Corinthians 13:4-8; 2 Corinthians 9:8; Ephesians 5:18-33; Romans 6-8).
  • Your wife is your intimate companion, friend, sweetheart, confidant, helper, encourager, lover, etc.
  • Yes, you can kiss her!! Has it been a long time since you embraced and passionately kissed! Go right now and have at it!!!
  • Yes, she completes you in the way God intended. She is not your competition or enemy.
  • You can certainly have some “partner in crime” prank times, but your goal is to bring out the best in your wife, not the worst. Pray with her; share what God is teaching you from the Word; listen to her; point her to Christ; compliment her often; keep pursuing her; help around the house with clean up and maintenance; when you are with her, be all there and have eyes only for her!!

Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well.
Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets?
Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you.
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.
As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
and always be enraptured with her love.
(Proverbs 5:15-19)

If you have a sister, be grateful, but if you are married, be enraptured!! Go have another passionate kiss and embrace!!

Overcoming Discouragement in Ministry (#6)

Friends!

These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. (John 15:11-15)

What a statement from the mouth of the Lord Jesus Christ, No longer do I call you servants, . . . but I have called you friends. Oh the blessedness of being a friend of Christ! And, you are already ahead of me, . . . and we know that Jesus is a friend that sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24), and He will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).

Obviously, the greatest friend anyone can have is the Lord Jesus Christ Who gives us access to the Father who knows us intimately and completely (Psalm 139:1-16), is our compassionate High Priest (Hebrews 4:14-16), and our life (Colossians 3:2-4). Therefore, it goes without saying that one of the greatest ways to overcome discouragement is to soak your soul in the reality of the friendship and relationship you have with the Lord Jesus Christ. Go ahead. Stop reading right here, and sing with all your heart, “What A Friend We Have In Jesus”!!!

The second level is daily enjoying and developing your friendship with your wife. Beyond the Lord Jesus Christ, your wife should be your best friend. She should be the one with whom you share your heart, your sorrows, your joys, your burdens, your heartaches, your dreams, your passions, your time, your recreation, your meals, your life. She is the other half of you!! You are one! Take her alone for the ride! She’s not Mrs. Pastor . . . she’s your wife, your companion, your sweetheart, your friend! When you are discouraged, let her pray with you and encourage you!!

The third level is having friends within your congregation, but especially outside of your congregation. Pastors are notorious for not having friends! We may have some surface friends, but we need some David/Jonathan friendships! You say you are too busy. Then you are too busy and that needs to change! Close friends (2-5 at least) are those you can call and be transparent. They are not the ones who want to know “How many’s your church runnin’?” or “How’s your church doing?” They are genuine friends who care for you, ask heart questions, and can hold you accountable. They can laugh with you, recreate with you, pray with you, share scripture with you, preach to you in a loving way when you are down, and identity with the rigors of ministry life! Who are these men in your life?

This week, enjoy the friendship of Christ, your wife and some other men! They can help you stay out of the ditch!

Men, How Would You Answer?

The following question was given on Facebook:

Which would you rather be known as:

  1. A good man
  2. A man who is “good at being a man?”

Why?

The first thought that came to my mind was the human connotation of being known as a “good man” (#1); a morally good man, a nice person.  Nothing wrong with that, but goodness alone will not get me to heaven (Romans 3:10; 5:6-8).

Then I considered the second option and quickly said, “No.”  In every area of the world, even in my own neighborhood, there is a varied criteria for what makes up a man.  So the standard for being “good at being a man” would fluctuate like corn stalks in the wind.

men

So which is the correct answer?

I chose #1.  Why?  Well, when it comes to having an absolute standard on the issues of life, you turn to the Word of God.  These passages of Scripture give us the characteristics of a good man.  Check’em out, men!

Psalm 37:23 – The steps of a good man (“a strong man, a warrior”) are ordered by the Lord, And He delights in his way.

Psalm 112:5 – A good man (“happy; joyful; benevolent”) deals graciously and lends; He will guide his affairs with discretion.

Proverbs 12:2 – A good man (“happy; joyful; benevolent”) obtains favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 13:22 A good man (“happy; joyful; benevolent”) leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, But the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous.

Proverbs 14:14 – The backslider in heart will be filled with his own ways, But a good man (“happy; joyful; benevolent”) will be satisfied from above.

Matthew 12:35 – A good man (denotes the soul considered as a compilation of pure thoughts which are brought forth in speech) out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things.

Acts 11:24 – For he was a good man (upright, honorable), full of the Holy Spirit and of faith.

In reality, a good man is he who has surrendered to the Christ-life (Romans 6:1-14; Galatians 2:20; Colossians 1:15-18, 27; 2 Peter 3:18)

So men, which would you rather be known as?  #1 or #2?

A Husband’s Assignment

We men are extremely task-oriented. We love to accomplish, conquer, and fix things. Over the years, I have jumped too quick to take care of my wife’s needs and find out that the task would have been simpler if I’d just waited a moment, listen to her further, or best of all, prayed about it. But, I was the man on the job!

When it comes to tasks, projects, and accomplishments, husbands, do know about the assignment God has given you in Ephesians 5:25-28?

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

This passage is a beautiful word picture of the relationship between Christ, the Bridegroom, and His Church, the Bride. Because Christ is the Savior of the Body (Ephesians 5:23) and gave Himself up for the Church (5:25), He will present her to Himself in awesome, holy splendor as a bride adorned for her husband (Revelation 19:7-9).

Since this word picture uses marriage as its example, I believe there is something very telling in this passage for husbands. Christ has given Himself for us, sanctified us, and will present us to Himself. Husbands, in the word picture, are you discipling your wife in such a way that you could present her to the Lord as a woman of God because you intentionally invested in her spiritual growth? Could you look at Christ and say, “I’ve done my best to help my wife know You, love You, serve You, and walk with You.”?

How can that happen? Here’s some suggestions:

  1. Pray with her every day; before you go to work, during the day from work, at meal times and when you go to bed. Hold hands and meet at the greatest place in the universe—the Throne of Grace (Hebrews 4:14-16).
  2. Make sure she has time to study God’s Word. If you have young children and her time is maxed taking care of them, when you come home from work, spend time with the kids and give your wife the opportunity to get alone with God.
  3. Give your wife spiritual growth opportunities such as sending her to the Ladies Retreat @ the Wilds or Ladies Prayer Advance (christlifemin.org), and/or making sure she participates in a ladies Bible study at church, and be faithful to attend your local church.
  4. Pray specifically for her to grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:18).
  5. Share with each other every day what you have learned from your time in the Word and prayer.
  6. Share how you have seen God at work in your lives.
  7. Read a book together on a date, before you go to bed, after supper, etc. (i.e. Marriage, Christian growth)
  8. Rejoice with her with she sees answers to prayer, and weep with her when her heart is burdened (Romans 12:15).


Men, we have an awesome responsibility to come alongside our wives and grow together in Christ! The eternal things are of far more value than the temporal, earthly things. You take the lead; you encourage; you disciple. Be ready “to present” her to the Lord!

Let’s Read & Grow in 2022

Recently I heard someone say that we need go into 2022 not making resolutions but developing habits.

One action/habit that I have been challenged to make in this new year is to read more books. Not just to read more but to have an intentional plan for reading. While scrolling through Twitter the other day, I came across Scott & Becky Aniol’s G3 Reading Challenge 2022. https://g3min.org/readingchallenge2022/

Consider the following from their blog post:

Whether you’re a voracious reader, an occasional reader, or a wannabe reader, join us for the G3 Reading Challenge 2022. The goal with this challenge is not only to get Christians reading but also to stretch us all—as parents, pastors, parishoners—to read more widely. We hope these categories will motivate you to both complete some books you’ve been meaning to read and also venture into topics and genres that don’t normally make it onto your bookshelf. One thing is certain: You’ll be better for it.

Don’t think you have time to read 12 books? Audiobooks available through your local library or a subscription service will read to you while you drive or dry dishes. Also, statistics tell us that picking up a book instead of scrolling social media could allow the average American to read over 200 books a year! Consider doing the challenge with your spouse, a friend, or a church group to provide community and stimulate healthy conversation.

I’ve accepted the challenge and want to share the books I have chosen for 2022, with a few personal changes to the categories of books.

A Bible Reading Plan

The Lookout Bible Reading Plan (YouVersion Bible app)

A Hymnal

Hymns Modern & Ancient

A Christian Biography (or autobiography)

Courageous Faith, Charles Stanley

Hudson Taylor and the China Inland Mission The Growth of a Work of God, Vol. 2

A Book about Culture

Christianity and Wokeness, Owen Strachan

A Puritan Paperback (or any book by a Puritan)

The Fountain of Life, John Flavel

A Book about Worship

Sing, Keith & Kristen Getty

A Book by an Inkling

Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis

A Book on Pastoring/Ministry

Elders in the Life of the Church, Matt Schmucker and Phil A. Newton

A Novel Written before 1922

David Copperfield , Charles Dickens (1849)

A Book about Gender or Sexuality

Love Thy Body, Nancy Pearcy

A Christian Classic You’ve Been Meaning to Read

God in the Whirlwind, David F. Wells

A Book on Prayer

Quiet Talks on Prayer, SD Gordon

Will you join me? My heart’s desire is to have several men come along for the ride this year so we can sharpen one another in our walk with Christ and life. What do you say, men? Choose your books, and let’s read and grow!!

Ram & Rich Toward God

Dodge Ram Old blue - Drivn
Not the actual truck but close.

To him, it was his “pride & joy”! Yes sir, the body needing a paint job and perhaps calling for a bit of other repairs, and not set up with dual diesel exhausts to blow people off the road as he passed by; it didn’t matter; it was his truck! 1989 Dodge Ram truck!

He pulled up beside me in the parking lot, jumped out of his truck, turned the hood ornament around on his hood due to being pranked, and then proceeded to join in conversation as we headed down the hill to meet up with other men for lunch at a weekend retreat.

Earlier in the morning, he had struck a good chord in my heart when he came up after I had spoken to the men about being a discipling husband. “Pastor, you gave the married men instructions about their God & I Time that applied to them. How about me as an unmarried teen?” Wow! A 17 year old, polite, respectful, trucker-hat wearin’, all-American good ol’ boy, desiring to apply the Word to his life!!!

Laster on as we walked down the hill to lunch, I shared with him some biblical counsel about dating and marriage as a follow up to our morning sessions. He listened intently as did his buddy. He took it to heart and in a few days acted upon it. Wow! A young man listening to someone 45 years older and then responding to the Word in a God-glorifying way!

This young man reminds me of the opposite of what I read in Luke 12:13-21 this morning. In the parable of the rich fool, Jesus tells how the fool laid up treasure for himself, so much so that he was planning on tearing down his barns which were insufficient and building bigger ones that would aid his life of ease. Then comes these telling words in verses 20-21, But God said to him, “Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided? So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.” This 17 year old young man has much more to learn in his growth in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:18), but I will say for right now, he is becoming a man rich toward God (12:21).

He wasn’t driving an $85,000 new 2021 Dodge Ram 2500 Diesel which would make him “look” rich, be a treasure for himself and impress his friends. He may desire one, but his greater desire that day, and I trust in the days to come was to be rich toward God. May his tribe increase!!

By the way, I liked his truck, too!

Finish Well

A few weeks ago, I was driving down Route 75 near my home in Johnson City, TN, and I heard the following lyrics on the radio sung by Karen Peck and New River.


FINISH WELL
There will come a day
I know without a doubt
Around the throne the saints will bow
And lay down every crown
How glorious that moment
To see Him face to face
To hear Him say “well done my child”
You’ve finished your race
But for now the sun’s still rising
There’s work to still be done
While we’re waiting for the promise
Of what is yet to come.

Finish well
Every day that we are given
Finish well
For the glory of His name
Finish strong
Until the Savior finally calls us home
Give it everything we have
Finish well.

There’s no truth in saying
We’ve seen our better days
These are the days to be courageous
Bold and full of faith
So wherever He may lead us
Whatever it may cost
Let the Church arise and lift
The banner of the cross.

Finish well
Every day that we are given
Finish well
For the glory of His name
Finish strong
Until the Savior finally calls us home
Give it everything we have
Finish well every day that
We are given
Finish well
For the glory of His name
Finish well

It wasn’t long until I had tears streaming down my face as the Holy Spirit took those lyrics and reminded me that as a man, a husband, a father, a grandfather, a pastor, a mentor, and a friend, I needed to be reminded, encouraged and exhorted to Finish Well. Since then, every time I hear this song, I am taken back to that location along Route 75 that God spoke to my heart.

Men, those of us who are considered senior citizens, we are in the last years of our lives on earth. We arrived here so quick it seems. There are many blessings to being a senior citizen, but there are things that can cause us heartache, disappointment, grief, frustration, disqualification as well as loss of testimony (1 Thessalonians 4:1-12) and reward at the Judgment Seat of Christ (1 Corinthians 3).

In this post, I want to encourage us in the first of three areas to Finish Well.

  1. Christ Your Life

At this age, we can be prone to think that our best days are behind us. That old age is our cross to bear. We can’t work like we used to. Our vision, hearing, and minds are failing us. We just can’t keep up with the youngsters. Bottom line, we are not the men we used to be. For many, we feel like we have basically lost our identity.

Well, I have good news for us. If you are truly a born again man, you have not lost your identity. Your identity is not in you and your old age condition, your identity is in Christ and it is as fresh as the day you were born again (John 3:1-16).

Men, the Christian life is . . . Christ (Gal. 2:20; 2 Cor. 4:5-7; 5:17; Col. 1:27-29)
In order for you to live the Christian life, you must understand that it is the Savior’s life.
 Christ gave Himself for you in order to give Himself to you that He by the Spirit of God might live His life through you.
 To live the Christian life is not for you to live but for you to die so Christ can live through you.
 You die to live. It’s Christ who manifests Himself through you that makes the difference. He does not do away with your individuality nor your personality, but when people meet you they need to meet Him. (The well-said bullet points are from Evangelist Ron Lynch.)

Truth is, Christ lives His life through us so much so that you do not live the Christian life. Christ did not live the Christian life. He IS the Christian life. Therefore, come to know Him, fellowship with Him, store up His thoughts in your mind, and share Him with others (Philippians 3:10; 2 Peter 3:18). As you come to learn of Christ and walk with Him, you will think His thoughts and your responses will not be you but the Christ in you.

No matter your age, the issue is Christ . . . your life (Galatians 2:20)!! So, enjoy the journey, men, and FINISH WELL!!


Can You Find a Man?

While reading Jeremiah 5 recently, these words caught my attention:

Run to and fro through the streets of Jerusalem;
See now and know;
And seek in her open places
If you can find a man,
If there is anyone who executes justice,
Who seeks the truth,
And I will pardon her
. (5:1)

In Jeremiah’s day, Jerusalem was a corrupt city. If a man could be found that sought the truth and executed justice, God would hold back His judgment. It was as if there was not even one man who did right and sought after truth.

When we see the course of so many men in our nation today living out their unbridled passion for violence cloaked in terms of justice and making decisions based upon lies, we wonder, where are the men of truth and justice?

It is time for us to rise up and be those men! We need to be men who love God, love our wives, and love life.

A man who loves God searches for the truth in the pages of God’s Word. We must be like Ezra who prepared his heart to seek the Law of the Lord, and to do it, and to teach statutes and ordinances in Israel (7:10). Sir, are you a seeker of truth who can be found in the “open places” declaring truth to others? Are you walking justly (Micah 6:8) because truth dwells in your heart? A man who has something to say is one who loves and personally knows the truth of God’s Word! The world doesn’t need anymore human viewpoint!! We must be men who are known in the streets for speaking Truth!

A man who loves his wife lives out Ephesians 5:18-33 by the grace of God. He is able to love his wife correctly because he loves God with all of his heart (Matthew 22:37). Furthermore, a husband who submits to God (5:21) will have no problem living a life of servant submission to his wife. Men, you don’t need a better wife to be happy. You need to be the best servant husband for your wife and the testimony of the gospel (Philippians 2:1-8). What do you say in the “streets” of your town about your wife and about marriage in particular? Does your love for her portray to a lost world the glories of marriage; the gospel of Jesus Christ? We must be men who are known in the streets for full-on loyalty to their wives!

A man who loves God and his wife will also love life. With all the fluctuation and mandates about COVID-19 as well as the division and sin in our country, sometimes it’s hard to love life. Solomon laments in Ecclesiastes 2:18, Then I hated all my labor in which I had toiled under the sun, because I must leave it to the man who will come after me. “The healthy Christian believer certainly would not hate life, no matter how difficult the circumstances might be. Certainly some great men . . . have [even] wanted to die, such as Job, Moses, Elijah, and Jonah, but we must not take these special instances as examples for us to follow. All of these men finally changed their minds. The Christian should love life (1 Peter 3:10; Psalm 34:12), seeking to put the most into it and getting the most out of it, to the glory of God. We may not enjoy everything in life, or be able to explain everything about life, but that is not important. We live by promises and not by explanations, and we know that our labor is not in vain in the Lord (1 Corinthians 15:58).”(Warren Wiersbe) We must be men who are known in the streets for loving life!

Hey man, what are you known for “in the streets”?

Taking the Scenic Route in Marriage #6

Watagua Lake

(Enjoying the Pleasures; Avoiding the Potholes)

As my wife and I were walking through the local mall one day, an immodestly dressed woman came toward us.  As she approached, I turned my eyes to look the other direction.  A few moments later my wife said, “Thank you for looking the other way.”  Wow!  I did not even think she saw my eyes from her vantage point, but on that occasion for more than one reason was I glad I chose the right response!!

Your wife will find security/protection in your open, honest, loving communication, your continual pursuit, but thirdly, in keeping your eyes to yourself.

Men, the allurements of the flesh are all around us.  Satan is aware of our weaknesses and our old sin nature is fully equipped to tempt us into allowing sin to enter into our eye-gate.  You cannot clean up the world around you, but you can make choices to keep yourself clean.  Sometimes those choices must be radical.  I promise you, when you choose to say “no” to temptation, the joy and security you give to your wife and the blessing of your own obedience will be something you will never regret!

Husbands, memorize and meditate on the following passages that we may turn from evil to our wives and give them further security in our love.

Job 31:1  I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?

Psalm 119:37  Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.

Psalm 101:3  I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.

Matthew 5:28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

The fourth area of security is to realize your wife needs you.  She needs you to be with her, to be all there when you’re there!

riverfront restaurant

We men are often accused of “being checked out.”  We are so preoccupied with the stuff around us, our day at work, the next project we want to complete, etc.  Our wives are talking to us, and we don’t hear them.  We have that glazed look in our eyes along with a wondering mind.

Have you ever had your wife say to you, “What did I just say?”  Oh boy!  I’ve been sunk on that one way too many times!

You know, men, if your wife is a stay-at-home mom, she most likely has had child-level conversations all day.  She needs an adult to talk to.  That should be you.  She longs for you to listen, and sometimes men, only listen.  If she is sharing an issue or a problem, don’t try to fix it so you can move on to what you want to do.  Just listen.  When she is done, take her in your arms, hold her tight, and then pray with her and for her.  Be her rock of security that tenderly says by your actions, “Baby, I’m all here for you.”

Men, take a cue from Solomon.  When you read this passage, you are struck with his attention to the details about his wife.  Now, you probably don’t want to tell your beloved that her hair is like a flock of goats!!  But, don’t miss the point.  That was a term of endearment in Solomon’s day.  So, choose some words that your wife would love to hear, and when you are with her, and you are all there, be detailed about how precious she is to you like Solomon did for his wife.

Behold, you are beautiful, my love,
behold, you are beautiful!
Your eyes are doves
behind your veil.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
leaping down the slopes of Gilead.
Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes
that have come up from the washing,
all of which bear twins,
and not one among them has lost its young.
Your lips are like a scarlet thread,
and your mouth is lovely.
Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate
behind your veil.
Your neck is like the tower of David,
built in rows of stone;[a]
on it hang a thousand shields,
all of them shields of warriors.
Your two breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle,
that graze among the lilies.  (Song of Solomon 4:1-5)

Another part of being all there when you are there, men, is well-described by the following (Hat-tip here to the anonymous author): “Time is the ‘currency’ of relationships, so invest as much time as you can into your marriage. You need to make money, but don’t use your career as an excuse to be absent. When you are home, be present, not distracted or glued to a screen. Work hard, but also remember that your family can do with less of almost anything if it means having more of you.”

On the scenic route, one of the great pleasures of just being together, the two of you, alone, is the joy of uninterrupted conversation, continual pursuit, keeping your eyes to yourself and being all there!  Stop at the parkway overlook, on the bike path, at the ice cream shop, or by the waterfalls and enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your . . . life that He has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life . . . . Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might (Ecclesiastes 9:9-10).

Taking the Scenic Route in Marriage #4

Boone Tavern

There are indeed so many pleasures along the scenic route:  waterfalls, coffee shops, hiking trails, barbeque & bluegrass, pull-offs, picnic areas, wildlife, quiet, slower speed limits, unique food stops, antique shops, time with your spouse, etc.

Likewise, there are many pleasures in marriage, some of which were very active in the early years of your relationship, but sadly have become dormant as the years rolled by.  Let’s look at some of those pleasures, and I will be looking at them from a husband’s point of view.  After all, he is the loving, servant leader in the home.  So men, here we go!

Boone Tavern 2

Proverbs 18:22 reminds us, men, that our wives are a special treasure to us from God; they are a good thing (KJV). They are God’s grace gift to us.  We do not deserve our wives.  Therefore, by God’s grace we are to treasure this gift and treat her like a lady, like a special treasure.

Ephesians 5:25 says, Husbands love (agape) your wives, even as Christ also loved (agagao) the church and gave [paradidōmi – to give oneself up for, give oneself to death for, to undergo death for] Himself for it.

Men, one of the best ways to treasure our wives and enjoy pleasure in marriage is to die daily to Christ and to ourselves so we can live for Christ and our dear wives. Therefore, one of the first areas of pleasure in marriage is being your wife’s “knight in shining armor” whereby you protect her; she finds security in you.

God designed men and women with particular needs they cannot meet on their own. Part of the goal of marriage is for husbands and wives to meet those needs for each other.  Therefore, one of the greatest needs of a woman is for security. Her most secure environment is one in which she is married to a sacrificial, sensitive, loving, caring, godly man.  She should find her utmost security in Christ, but next of all, in her husband.

A great example of this is found in the budding relationship of Boaz and Ruth.  Read Ruth 2:8-13, and look at how Boaz treated Ruth. No wonder she ended up marrying him!!

Men, your wife will find security in open, honest, consistent communication.

Recently, I heard Evangelist David Young say, “A leader knows the way and uses words!”  Compare 1 Peter 3:1 and Ephesians 5:26.  In the first passage, a wife is encouraged to not nag or preach to her husband when he is unsaved or not living in fellowship with the Lord.  She is to be silent and let God work in her husband’s heart.  Now that is contrary to all the jokes and statements about women.  Supposedly, according to research, you know “the experts” research, that woman speak over 20,000 words-a-day, and men speak around 7,000 words-a-day.  According to Ephesians 5:26, the man is to be the leader in speaking in the home.  Just as Christ is setting apart and cleansing the church through the spoken Word of God, a husband is to set his wife apart and help her live a pure life through speaking Truth to her, praying Truth with her, and leading her by the Truth.

Husbands, Satan loves our secrets and our silence.  We must be men who talk.  Men who speak truth.  Men who speak up.  Men who do not hide in silence because we don’t want to confront sin or take risks.

Men, talking with your wife will breathe new life into your relationship.  Put down your phone.  Turn off the ballgame or fishing show. Share your heart with your wife; engage in meaningful conversation.  Be honest!  Be open!

Husbands, when you speak, also remember that how you say something says so much to your wife.  Your communication, attitude in speech, and tone are either building up trust in your wife or tearing it down. Consider the following:

  1. Think before you speak.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer (Psalm 19:14).

  1. Choose your words carefully.

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18).

  1. Speak words of edification, endearment, encouragement, exhortation, and grace not destruction.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29).

  1. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit by your words.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption (Ephesians 4:30).

  1. Learn to genuinely listen to what your wife is saying as well as to what she is not saying.

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19).

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7).

  1. Use your words as a grace gift to your wife because God gave you words and the ability to use them. Don’t abuse His gift.  (Genesis 1-2; 1 Corinthians 10:31)

The scenic route gives you time to pull over and talk without interruption.  That “scenic route” can be after the kids go to bed, or after supper without any electronic devices, or on the back porch as well as on a literal journey down on the scenic route.  Some of the best discussions my wife and I have had were sitting on a picnic bench overlooking the valley below, sitting in the rocking chairs on the front porch of a country store, nested beside each other in a cozy coffee shop, walking together through a quaint town, swinging together on our porch swing or sitting on the rocks by a mountain stream . . . just to mention a few.

Men, there are pleasures in marriage, and the first one is the security your wife finds in you as you talk to her, listen to her and always share your heart with her.

Men, take the scenic route.  Lead and use words.