Do what?
Just go ahead and expect that your adult kids won’t be home for Christmas!
Continue reading “Parents, Just Go Ahead and Do It! | Releasing Adult Children From Holiday Expectations”
One of the greatest needs in our homes, churches, schools, sports teams, and nation today is DADS, . . .
All of us dads were born spiritually dead, living under the control of Satan, self and the world and under God’s wrath (Ephesians 2:1-3). As much as we think as a man we can fix our sinful condition, work our way to heaven, fill the hole in our soul, we are forever lost. We cannot fix the greatest crisis in our lives.
Here’s the Good News! But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; 9 not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. (Ephesians 2:4-9)
The most important aspect of being a dad is for Christ to live in us that He may live His life out of us so that our children see Christ and not us (Romans 6-8; Galatians 2:20; Philippians 3:4-10; Colossians 1:27).
Daily we surrender to Christ. Daily we come to Christ (Matthew 11:28-30). Daily we seek Christ (Matthew 6:24-34). Daily we look for Christ return (John 14:1-6; 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18). Christ is our life (John 10:10; Galatians 2:20).
Merriman-Webster defines “adore” as “to regard with loving admiration and devotion.” According to Ephesians 2:7, the reason God saves us is to show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. Dads, just as God demonstrates His grace toward us through Christ every moment of each day, we can through Christ adore our children’s mom, our wife. God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us (Romans 5:5).
Dad, show your children how to love and respect their future spouse.
Demonstrate before them a grace-enabled, God-honored marriage (Ephesians 5:18-33)!!
Dads spend hours teaching and coaching their children how to hit or field a baseball. Perhaps it’s how to drive a car. Maybe it’s training in construction.
The best training a dad can give his son or daughter is how to know Christ as personal Lord and Savior (Ephesians 2:1-9); to love, read, and study the Bible (Psalms 19:7-11; 119:1-176); to know how to share Jesus with others (1 Peter 3:15); to know how to pray (Study how Jesus prayed and the prayers of Paul, Ephesians 1:15-23; 3:14-21; Colossians 1:9-12); to know how to praise the Lord and enjoy life (Psalms 100, 150; Hebrews 13:15); to know how to live the Christ-life (Romans 6-8; Galatians 2:20) and to know how to laugh and have fun (Proverbs 17:22)!!
One day your children will depart from your home and your training. May that which they love above all things and seek after be the eternal things. Life here is so temporal as is power, prestige, position, possessions, and property. We will leave it all behind one day.
May you live in such a way that your children see you seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33), having set your mind/affection on things above, not on things that are on earth (Colossians 3:2)., that in all things Christ has the preeminence (Colossians 1:18) because the passion of your life is to know Christ (Philippians 3:4-10).
Happy DADS Day!! Be encouraged!! Stay the course!! Grace is sufficient!!
So very grateful for my Christ-centered dad, for the blessing of being of dad, and for my sons-in-law who are and will be godly dads!!!
If you’ve been reading my recent posts, you know that I have done a series on The Empty Nest, Part 2, Part 3—-words of encouragement, help and preparation for when your children leave home to launch out on their own.
Today, I’m sharing the testimony from a son whose parents are an example of handling the empty nest.
“Eighteen years ago, we moved [north]. I’ll never forget the firm words my dad had for me. It seemed out of his gentle character as he nearly made me promise to do what he requested. ‘Son, one of these days your mother and I will get old and sick. Don’t come home! The Lord has a work for you to do in [up north], and we don’t want to get in the way’.”
“My family has been so supportive for all these many years. Dad got cancer, had other health struggles then passed away. Mom has had health ups and downs over the years. She is currently at home having been recently released from the hospital due to many health issues.”
Denise and I met this son and his wife three years ago. They ministered to our hearts in a very special way and have continued to do so. Their love and sacrifice for the gospel, the ministry of Jesus Christ and his parents are quite evident. Even though they moved miles away from parents, what a blessing to serve the Lord knowing that family was “in their corner” praying and cheering them on!
Parents, don’t hold your kids so tight that they feel guilty serving where God has called them if they can’t get home as often as you think. If you are all born again believers, you will spend forever with them. Let them go! Trust the Lord for their well-being. God is always a better parent, refuge, and source of wisdom than we can be.
Release them, love them, remind them often of your support, and most of all, pray fervently for them!!
This son is currently visiting with his mom, and he wrote, “Even though Daddy said not to move back home, I’m pretty sure he’d be ok with a visit.”
From a pastor’s heart,
dale
In the previous two posts, I have suggested that you can prepare for the empty nest by making daily investments in your marriage, by making your home a joyful place and by preparing your children to leave home.
Today, I submit to you that the greatest step in preparing for the empty nest is to release your children into the hands of God!
Truth is, we do not own our children. They were created by God and belong to Him. Parenting is His work, not ours. Grace to raise our children and send them out only comes from the God of all grace (1 Peter 5:10). Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward (Psalm 127:3). For you (God) formed my inward parts; you (God) knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-14a).
Since this is true, He knows what is best for our children. Therefore, as they go from the “crib to college” or the “Johnny-Jump-Up to a job,” your goal is to . . .
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth (3 John 4). If our children have left home and are following Christ, give Him praise, for it is all of His grace. Enjoy your empty nest and fill it with much love and prayer together.
If your child has left home and is not walking with the Lord, certainly that will be a burden to your heart, but our sovereign God can do greater things than we can imagine. Make your empty nest a place of prayer and submission to the omnipotence, omniscience and omnipresence of God. Lean hard into His promises. Perhaps this will encourage you: Comfort For Weary Parents of Troubled Children
May you all find comfort and encouragement in the Truth as you face or live in the empty nest of parenting. Wherever you are and wherever your children are, God is there. Rest and rejoice in Him (Isaiah 41:10; Philippians 4:6-8). Husbands, enjoy the wife of your youth (Proverbs 5:18). Release your children to God.
From a pastor’s heart,
dale
One of the most critical times in a marriage is when the only child or children begin to leave home, especially when “the baby” departs. My wife and I have experienced this, but can say with confidence, “You can look forward to the empty nest!”
Yesterday I began what I hope is a helpful set of posts on this subject of preparing for The Empty Nest. Here’s another step as you move toward that day.
Prepare your children to leave home. Denise and I had a dear lady in our church watch our second daughter for a couple of hours one month after she was born so we could continue our habit of dating. Certainly, Alli did not know about us being gone, but it set the stage for when she did understand, and it was an ongoing example to her older sister. You see, Denise and I were preparing our own hearts for when the girls would leave home. How?
Tomorrow, I’ll be sharing one of the most important steps in this preparation process. Stay tuned!
From a pastor’s heart,
dale
One of the most difficult times of parenting comes when your children are ready to leave “the nest.”
I distinctly remember when we left our firstborn at college. The drive out of town was absolute silence for at least 30 minutes with some sniffles, tears and the need for Kleenexes.
When our second child, our last one here on earth, left home for college, this too did a major tug on our hearts.
Nevertheless, this is the way God planned. Genesis 2:24, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Our children cannot “leave and cleave” if we as parents are still cleaving to them.
How can you be prepared to release your children and eventually enjoy the “empty nest”?
Make daily investments in your marriage. Remember parents, you did not marry your children. Your spouse came first and hopefully your spouse will still be there after the kids depart! Therefore, portray before your children a transparent, honest, grace-filled, forgiving marriage that will be a model for them to follow (Ephesians 4:17-5:33). Continue to date your spouse. Be lovingly demonstrative toward your spouse in the presence of your children. You want your children to grow up with the undoubtable knowledge that their parents love each other! Moms and dads, when your marriage is strong, your children will find an element of security in their own lives because they know their parents will be okay.
Make your home a joyful place. Parents, enjoy the Lord, enjoy life, enjoy your children, and enjoy each day. Even in the midst of sorrow, difficult parenting days, Covid, financial strain, the Spirit of God produces joy (Galatians 5:22-23) and gives us hope (Romans 15:13). Here are three ingredients for a joyful home that come with the grace needed for daily fulfillment—Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer (Romans 12:12). Recently I heard someone say, “Our home should be such that our children are prepared to leave but look forward to returning, not for what they get or to be a shelter enabling their laziness, but for the atmosphere that is set in the early years of child rearing.”
Yes, when the time comes for your children to move on in life, it will bring a dramatic change for you and your children. No matter, the grace of God and preparation today looking toward tomorrow and the future will enable this transition to be God-honoring and a blessing to your children. Remember, you left home and your parents, too, right?
More tomorrow.
From a pastor’s heart,
dale
When all that generation had been gathered to their fathers, another generation arose after them who did not know the Lord nor the work which He had done for Israel. (Judges 2:10)
What? How is it possible to be brought up in the shadow of the mighty works of God, to have lived around men like godly men such as Joshua and Caleb, and then for it to be said, another generation arose after them who did not know the Lord nor the work which He had done for Israel? How is that possible?
How is it possible that we have a young generation (Gen Z: Born 1999-2015) right now in our churches, including BCBC, that have grown up under the teaching of the Word of God on Sundays, perhaps educated in a Christian school or home-schooled, attended weekly children’s ministries and they do not have a heart for God nor for the things of God? How is that possible?
How is it possible that this generation has never seen a lost sinner genuinely transformed by the regenerative work of the Holy Spirit in salvation (Titus 3:4-7; Ephesians 2:8-9; 2 Corinthians 5:17; 1 Thessalonians 1:6-10)? Perhaps all they have heard are the old stories of salvation and transformation but nothing recent, fresh and grace-born!
Today, I want to call us to pray for GOD’S INCREASE in the hearts of our Gen Z young people!! In this time of prayer, let’s go boldly to the Throne of Grace on behalf of our young folks from ages 4-21.
May For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain (Philippians 1:21) be said by our young people rather than the words of Judges 2:10.
Our greatest and most important investment in 2019 involves our personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. The statement of the Apostle Paul found in Philippians 1:21, For to me to live is Christ, and in 3:8, 10, Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord . . . that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death.
With that in mind, I want to share some resources to help you move forward in your walk with Christ, your growth in the knowledge of God and the application of the Word of God on a daily basis for 2019.
Besides your passion to read God’s Word in 2019, what else to you plan to read in this new year?
In this blog post, I am giving some book suggestions for men since my wife gave many helps in her Wednesday post for ladies: Suggestions for Books, Journals, Planners and More
Biblical Manhood
The Masculine Mandate: God’s Calling to Men, Richard D. Phillips (Reformation Trust)
Disciplines of a Godly Man, R. Kent Hughes (Crossway Books)
A Man After God’s Own Heart, Jim George, (Harvest House Publishers)
Biblical Marriage
Like the Shepherd: Leading Your Marriage With Love and Grace, Robert Wolgemuth (Regnery Faith)
The Ministry of Marriage, Jim Binney (Faithful Life Publishers)
What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage, Paul David Tripp, (Crossway Books)
Biblical Purity
Finally Free: Fighting For Purity With the Power of Grace, Heath Lambert (Zondervan)
Sexual Detox: A Guide for Guys Who Are Sick of Porn, Tim Challies (Cruciform Press)
The Pursuit of Holiness, Jerry Bridges (NavPress)
Biblical Dads
Raising a Modern-Day Knight: A Father’s Role In Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood, Robert Lewis, (Tyndale House Publishers)
The Pilgrim’s Progress, John Bunyan (Charles Foster Publishing)
Parenting, 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family, Paul David Tripp (Crossway Books)
Biblical Church Body Life
Trellis & the Vine: Colin Marshall & Tony Payne (Matthias Media)
The Vine Project: Shaping Your Ministry Culture Around Disciple-Making, Colin Marshall & Tony Payne (Matthias Media)
Letters to the Church, Francis Chan (David C. Cook)
Miscellaneous
Experiencing God Workbook: Knowing and Doing the Will of God, Henry Blackaby (B & H Publishers)
Forgiveness: Discover the Power and Reality of Authentic Christian Forgiveness, Gary Inrig (Discovery House)
Power Through Prayer, E. M. Bounds
The Beauty of Intolerance: Setting a Generation Free to Know Truth & Love, Josh & Sean McDowell (Shiloh Run Press)
Stonewall Jackson: The Man, the Soldier, the Legend, James I. Robertson (MacMillan USA)
All Things For Good: The Steadfast Fidelity of Stonewall Jackson, J. Steven Wilkins (Cumberland House)
This list could go on and on, and I even feel guilty for leaving them out, but this is just a mere sampling of some good, helpful reads. I would also encourage you to visit the online bookstore of christlifemin.org and check out their devotionals, books on prayer, parenting, manhood, etc.
Indeed, “Leaders are readers.” Men let’s go against the grain and be men who read and lead! Are you ready?
This is an awesome time of the year! The apex of history is the crucifixion of the Lord Jesus Christ and His bodily resurrection from the tomb (Isaiah 52:13-53:12; Matthew 26:57-28:10; 1 Corinthians 15). This event sets Jesus Christ and Christianity apart from ALL other religions around the world.
How important that our children understand the truth about Christ and Easter. There is no problem with enjoying eggs, candy, bunnies, and baskets, but our younger generation must know the truth, and Christ, Who is Truth.
My wife’s blog will help you accomplish this. Be sure to take take to read and watch, Helping Children Understand Easter
Recently while running the dial on Sirius XM, I heard a song from my teen years sung by Harry Chapin entitled “The Cats in the Cradle.”
This heartbreaking song tells of a father and son who can’t schedule time to be with each other, and it serves as a warning against putting one’s career before family. The verses start out with a natural harmony and depict the tale of a father with his newborn son. Although dad gets the necessities of child rearing accomplished, he doesn’t allow himself to put in quality time with his son because of his career. Initially, this seems like no big deal because of his hectic and oblivious life working and paying bills.
The recurring verse has the son saying, “I’m gonna be like you Dad, you know I’m gonna be like you…”
Over time, both father and son grow into a switching of life roles. The father realizes his son’s ambitions of college, grades, and driving, and wants to spend more time with him, yet slowly grasps the reality that now his son has no time for such things. In the last verse, Chapin illustrates that the son is all grown up with a fast-paced job and kids of his own. In a glaring twist of roles, we see that the son now has no time to spend with his father. With a heavy heart, dad realizes that his boy has become just like him. (Songfacts.com)
Dads, indeed, your sons are watching and learning you.
Making a connection with yesterday’s blogpost, may I ask you dads, are your sons growing up to be just like you when it comes to your relationship with God?
Will they sing in church like you do?
Will they open their Bible and take notes whenever the Word of God is preached like you do?
Will they be totally engaged in worship on Sundays like you are?
Will they be a man of prayer just like you?
Will they be a ready witness for Christ as you are?
Will they know the Word of God like you do?
Will they have the Word memorized like you do?
Will they be a surrendered servant for Christ just like you?
Will stand and testify of God’s grace, faithfulness and love like you do?
Will they be diligent to add to their original faith because you are?
Will they give diligence to make their calling and election sure because you do?
Will they?
Men, we must be all-out, surrendered men of God like Christ, Moses, Joseph, Joshua, Daniel, Paul, Barnabas, Peter, etc. Not only for the glory of God but for the sakes of our sons who are watching and taking their cues from us.
“The cats in the cradle,” and he will soon be gone. Will he be just like you?
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)
Train up a child in the way he should go. (Proverbs 22:6a)
The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him. (Proverbs 23:24)
Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. (1 Corinthians 16:13)
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. (1 Timothy 6:11-12)
From A Pastor's Heart 