Raised in the south, I have a passionate love for the Lord, my wife, my daughters, my son-in-laws, my grandsons, preaching the Word of God, pastoring people, discipleship, the University of Kentucky Wildcats, Clemson Tigers football, running the Tweetsie Trail, and hiking through the awesome TN/NC/VA mountains!!
“Friendship … is born at the moment when one man says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
There are many, many blessings and joys of being in the ministry, but a common characteristics of being a pastor is loneliness. But does it have to be this way?
Loneliness in ministry can be attributed to . . .
A weak marriage.
A “Lone Ranger” mentality.
Isolation.
Fear.
Past hurts and unconfessed bitterness.
“The Elijah syndrome” (I am the only one . . . )
Keeping everything bottled up and refusing to share.
Not cultivating friendships outside of the congregation.
Just as loneliness is a common characteristic among those in ministry, I have found a common parallel . . . the lack of pastors intentionally reaching out to other pastors with the goal of developing different levels of friendships.
“Everything! I have many things for which I need prayer! My husband has been diagnosed with MS, two of my children have lupus, and my job.”
This was the response from our server at a Mexican restaurant recently when we ask if we could pray for her when we thanked the Lord for our meal.
People everywhere are hurting, needy, struggling, fearful, anxious, lonely, and despondent just like this server who was discouraged about life and having to work so hard for her family.
The greatest crisis for everyone without a personal relationship with God through Christ alone (John 14:6) is their inability to save themselves from an eternity in hell.
Last week, while watching the Barna Group webcast, 2024 The State of Pastors Summit, one set of statistics particularly grabbed my attention.
The mandate for the local church and its pastors in this age remains: Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Amen. (Matthew 28:19-20). We are continuing the ministry of the Lord Jesus Christ (Acts 1:1-11), the One Who came to seek and to save the lost (Luke 19:10).
Pastor, . . .
Have ministry demands caused you to be so busy that you have forgotten people, especially those without Christ?
Have you been tempted to believe the lies of the devil and flesh that have dampen your heart for the Great Commission?
Are you possibly so discouraged and burdened down with care of the church and/or the current conflict that your eyes have grown dim to the plight of lost souls around you, maybe even next door?
Pastor, how about inviting another brother in Christ to lunch. Read the Scriptures or a book together. Then, when the server comes along, ask them how you can pray for them. This is discipleship that Jesus spoke about in the Great Commission.
Perhaps make a coffee shop your place to prepare your message for Sunday. (Just a gentle reminder, obedience has no excuses.)
One of the best ways to get the focus off yourself and perhaps your deep dive into discouragement is to go be a blessing to someone else. Christ that dwells in you endured great contradiction/hostility/insults from others (Hebrews 12:3). He is your life, your strength, your Shepherd. You are crucified (Galatians 2:20), so go live in and through Him!
Pastor, there’s a server and millions of others out there that need the gospel; that need you to just care for them. As the Lord continues to seek and to save, you follow His initiative as He lives His life out of you.
This week I was able to watch the Barna Group’s 2024 The State of Pastors Summit. The first session began with asking some key questions. I would like to share those questions with the pastors who read this blog.
What are the biggest struggles you face today?
What are you most hopeful about today leading into the future of the church?
How can we be praying for you as a pastor?
Would you be so kind to answer the questions using the following email address: danddmin@gmail.com? I will not disclose your name in a blog post or on social media.
My heart is to encourage pastors. I want to help you, cheer you on. That’s the purpose of this blog and one of the purposes of D & D Ministry. Having grown up in a pastor’s home and just ending my 40th year of being a senior pastor, I know the struggles, heartaches, disappointment and sorrows of ministry as well as the joys, victories, and fulfillment. I desire to be your friend, to encourage you to finish well.
Thank you for reading and taking your time to share your answers!!
Wherever you are in ministry today, soak your soul in Romans 8:18, 26-39.
18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. 31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
He had experienced a long, difficult week. Struggling to preach, his mind was tired, and his body was weak. By God’s grace he was giving it his all, but by the end of the service, his heart was weak and discouraged.
Discouragement comes in waves like low and high tides.
Discouragement attacks at weak moments.
Discouragement is the unwanted companion of most pastors.
As my wife and I have travelled here-and-yon the past six months, and I have spoken with many pastors on the phone, discouragement in the ministry is an ever-present temptation to which many succumb.
This statement or a form of it has been declared one too many times by none other than . . . pastors.
Recently, while eating supper with a group of ministry leaders, I made the comment that I love officiating weddings AND funerals. The retired pastor across from me responded with a look of disgust and disdain while shaking his head.
Now, you might understand why I love to lead weddings yet wonder about funerals. Let me share some of my reasons with the hopes of encouraging you, pastor, to see these as a positive opportunity rather than a drudgery. If they have become mechanical to you, then hopefully this will encourage you to serve in the newness of Christ.
“Pastor, this is a potential “sticky situation.” What should we do about it? We need some answers. We need wisdom.”
Ministry life is made up of a multitude of decisions everyday. Some are black and white. Others, no so much. Pastor, how do you handle the “sticky situation” questions/decisions?
The country road in front of my house begs for any power-stroked truck to manifest its prowess in an ever-increasing, swift, thunderous, exhaust smoke-billowing fashion!
Power! When needed to winch-out another vehicle stuck in the mud, a 2023 Ram 2500 truck with 410 horsepower would get the job done! Indeed, power to burn!
Are you both just living/existing under the same roof?
Recently I shared with my wife that one of the fascinations of our smartphone is the new information, pictures, reels, videos, livestream, etc. that can capture our attention from one frame to the next in rapid-fire, mesmerizing fashion.
Since marriage is a picture of the gospel (Ephesians 5:22-33), and we walk in newness of life in Christ day-by-day, moment-by-moment (Romans 6:4), our marriage should be one of paralleled day-by-day, moment-by-moment renewal. We should be intrigued with our spouse, the other half of us.
What does that look like?
One of the ways of walking in the newness of life in Christ is through keeping short accounts of sin. We are continual repenters (2 Corinthians 7:8-11), confessing our sins, coming under the blood of Christ and appropriating His forgiveness (1 John 1:7-9). This parallels marriage. Everyday our old sin nature is active and can rear its ugly head and we take the bait by sinning against our spouse. Then and there, we need to confess our sin to God and then to our spouse, turn from it, ask for forgiveness (not an apology), and walk in the newness of relationship.
This keeps a marriage fresh from anger, bitterness, grudges, criticism, jealousy, and other mental attitude sins. In exchange is the newness of freedom and restored fellowship, sin covered and not brought again, words of kindness, and the joy of the Christ-life in marriage!
So, is your marriage “hum-drum”? Be fascinated with your other-half today!! One way to do that would be to take a day trip! Let me suggest one in the area of western North Carolina.
Day Trip Enjoying the Scenic Route of Marriage:
Travel the Blue Ridge Parkway to the quaint town of Black Mountain, NC. Begin your day with a stop at the Blue Ridge Biscuit Company & Bakery, then head on over to the Town Hardware & General Store for a step back in time up to the present.
After strolling through the shops, have lunch at Veranda Cafe & Gifts. From there, walk down the hill to an intimate bookstore and coffee shop (downstairs), Sassafras on Sutton . Enjoy a book, a quiet afternoon and a wonderful cup of coffee! You can spend at least a couple of hours in this cozy, romantic shop. For supper, you may want to try The Pure and Proper.
“There is no area that is more important than this. It doesn’t take long to realize that you have married a sinner, and what you do when you make this discovery will determine the character and quality of your union. You will only respond in a way that is right, good, and helpful to your spouse’s sin, weakness, and struggle when you are celebrating the transforming grace of an ever-present, always-faithful Redeemer” (Marriage: 6 Gospel Commitments Every Couple Needs to Make, Paul David Tripp, p. 42).
This past weekend, Denise and I had the privilege of leading the Barnhardt Baptist Church, Goodview, VA, Couples’ Retreat. For the past three years they have used the facilities at the Hilton Garden Inn as well as various attractions in Bristol, VA.
As we navigated through the theme of “Marriage on the Gospel Highway,” we watched the Word convict, encourage, strengthen, and change marriages for the glory of God!
We played some crazy games and laughed as couples worked together to win various prizes (restaurant gift cards, candy, Escape Room admission).
Friday night after the first session, a trip to Blackbird Bakery topped off the evening!! There we had the blessed privilege of counseling with a precious young couple who had some well thought out questions about marriage!
Saturday morning, breakfast afforded another opportunity to converse with a couple about marriage and life on the Gospel Highway. After breakfast, Denise and I led split sessions. This room created a warm, intimate setting to gather around the Word. This is one of the many joys the Lord gives us through D & D Ministries!
After a break and checking out of our rooms, we closed out the morning with a final session. How blessed to have a part in seeing couples desire to intentionally grow their marriages in and through Christ on the Gospel Highway!
“So, in your marriage, God will find ways to drive you to the end of yourself so that you will put your hope and strength in him. Your moments of weakness are not the bad moments of accident or bad luck. No, moments of weakness are there because of divine intention. They are the delivery system of glorious forgiving, empowering, and motivating grace. God is using them to rescue you from you and to make you a person who, in marriage, really is committed to love you as you have been loved” (Marriage: 6 Gospel Commitments Every Couple Needs to Make, Paul David Tripp,p. 319).
So where are you and your spouse headed for your Valentine’s Day date? Perhaps you have already had your date? Is dating a consistent part of your marriage? One of the most neglected aspects of marriage is continuing to date after marriage.
Remember when you were dating before marriage? Oh, how you planned, maybe even connived to accomplish seeing each other? Nothing would stop you. HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! May I ask a question? Why did you stop dating after you were married? Have you stopped? Why?
Here are some ideas to help you put that dating spark back into your marriage:
After you put the kids to bed, play a game of Farkel and eat popcorn. (Hint: One of the best things you can do for your marriage is put your kids to bed at a certain time and don’t let them grow up sleeping with you.)
Talk a walk down the street/road/through the park, hand-in-hand, telling each other why you love them.
Share an ice cream cone from Dairy Queen, Chickfila or Sonic. Take your time and enjoy each other’s company.
Let the kids romp in the playground at Burger King or at the park, and the two of you hold hands, put your arm around each other (you have to sit on the same bench to do so!), talk, and tell your kids, this is your time. They need to learn to respect you and your space. It won’t hurt ‘em! After all, you are teaching them what marriage really looks like so they will be prepared when the times come for them to be married.
Spend some time under the stars and no cell phones!!!!!!!!!!
Cook a meal together.
Watch a bunch of funny, clean videos on Youtube and laugh and laugh and laugh, or stop by a local card store and read all the funny cards to each other.
Men, if you are having trouble coming up with what to talk about to your wife, here’s some help: Date Night Questions
Don’t make excuses for not dating! All of the suggestions above are cheap, but marriage is not cheap. It’s worth the investment!! The key is having a time set aside in your weekly calendar that is reserved for just the two of you.
And . . . husbands, you take the lead in setting up and fulfilling the dates. This will speak volumes to your wife!
So, let this Valentine’s Day date either be the renewal of a great habit or another day of a refreshing deposit in your marriage journey!
fromapastorsheart.com 