Category: Marriage

A Towers or Del-Mar Marriage

by Dale, posted in Christian Living, Love, Marriage, Uncategorized

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Last week, my wife and I had a great time away for four days at our favorite beach location, Towers on the Grove, North Myrtle Beach, SC.  We like the fact that it’s located at the northeast end of the Grand Strand, that the people population is sparse, and that the facilities are always clean, updated, and given constant attention.

On a personal note, having lived in Myrtle Beach in the late 60’s, time spent at the beach brings back many memories.  In past vacation trips, I have driven by the house we lived in and found it in need of repair.  Last week while driving down Ocean Boulevard in North Myrtle Beach, I saw where one of the Del-Mar Motel that remained from the 50-60’s era had been leveled.  Then as we drove through other areas of the beach, we saw even more buildings that have deteriorated over the years.

Del Mar Inn

Marriage is like a drive around Myrtle Beach.  Just as a building/house needs constant upkeep to remain fresh, just like Towers on the Grove as opposed to the Del-Mar Inn, marriage needs daily attention to keep it fresh.

One truth, among others, that has guided Denise and me through our soon to be 36 years of marriage is this:  You must work at your marriage every day.  Marriage does not operate efficiently on auto-pilot.  As a matter of fact, there is no default setting for marriage called auto-pilot.  Today, your marriage is continuing to be fresh or it is deteriorating.  The choice is totally up to you.

Look at your marriage.  What areas need improvement, a “fresh coat of paint”?  Is there a squeaky board or door that needs attention?  How about some weeds in the front lawn that need to be replaced with some fresh flowers?

Ask the Lord in prayer to reveal what areas of your marriage need attention.  Talk about it with your spouse.  Come up with a plan of action, areas of change that will occur, what it will take to make this action work, and then dive into the project together!  Enjoy the work!  Stop and kiss every once-in-awhile.  Hug each other.  Text one another.  Go back to the sweetness of dating days and do it again!

May I also add, do not take for granted any successful area of your marriage.  As soon as you do, it won’t take long for the shutters to start clapping against the wall, if you know what I mean.

By the way, one of the major reasons Denise and I went away last week was to work on our marriage.  We intentionally put these times in our calendar.  Marriage is too precious of a gift from God to let it get old, cold, and decaying (Genesis 2:18-25; Ephesians 5:18-33).

A Towers marriage takes daily attention and prayer.  A Del-Mar marriage ends up like this motel that was once a new motel that became known in latter years for bed-begs, drugs, and prostitution. Now it is no longer standing. Sadly, too many marriages become like the Del-Mar Inn.

Get to work, folks!  The choice is yours.  Start today!

The Day After Valentine’s

by Dale, posted in Love, Marriage, Renewal, Uncategorized

 

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Valentine’s Day is always a very special day for married lovebirds!!  Red roses, boxes of chocolates, dinner dates, romantic venues, recalling of Valentine’s Days of the past, perfume, cards, terms of endearment left on sticky notes all over the house, pictures posted on Facebook and Instagram, communications of the degree of love for each other, and on and on it goes for this special day!!

But . . . what about today, the day after Valentine’s Day?  You put much thought into how you would express your love to your Sweetheart.  You went out of your way to purchase that perfect gift.  You fantasized in your mind the most romantic setting and fulfillment for this special day.  You wrote down your thoughts of love and appreciation in a card.  You made sure the whole world knew about it on Facebook.

All of this took intentional thought and effort.

This leads to me say one crucial thing about how to keep your marriage moving forward, to keep it hummin’!

You have to work at it every day! 

No, you don’t have to buy a $75 bouquet of flowers or have a candlelight dinner at Ruth’s Chris every day. You intentionally . . .

  • Verbalize your love to each another
  • Kiss (Eliminate the peck!)
  • Pray together
  • Hold hands
  • Look at each other
  • Seat your wife at the table
  • Pray together
  • Hug each other
  • Serve each other
  • Enjoy a 5-minute date in the pantry with the door closed
  • Leave love notes
  • Pray together
  • Share what God has taught you from His Word
  • Laugh together
  • Hold each other
  • Speak words of encouragement
  • Enjoy being with each other
  • Listen to each other
  • Pray together
  • Forgive each other
  • Make sure your spouse comes before your children
  • Make sure your spouse knows you love him/her more than the children
  • Pray together
  • Be gracious to each other
  • Touch each other
  • Pay attention to each other like your mate was Facebook
  • Wash her car
  • Pray together
  • Bake him his favorite cookies
  • Do the things you did when you were dating . . . even many years later
  • Keep having fun (Don’t grow old grumpy!)
  • Pray together

So, what are your intentional plans for your lovebird today, the day after Valentine’s Day?

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On the Same Page Together

by Dale, posted in Christian Living, Love, Marriage, Prayer, The Bible, Uncategorized

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Yesterday I received my daily email from All-Pro Dad, and the post for Wednesday was entitled, 4 Areas You and Your Wife Need to Be on the Same Page

The four areas are:

  1. Touching throughout the day.
  2. Spending money wisely.
  3. Making big decisions together.
  4. Having an Open-Heart policy.

BONUS: Closing the day in prayer

These four things are spot-on, but what caught my attention was the title of the article and the bonus.  They describe the real need of every marriage.

The page that every marriage should work from each day is a page from God’s Word.

The bonus in every marriage, every day is prayer!

You see, God, the Creator of marriage between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:18-25), is also the Author of God’s Word.  Therefore, for a husband and wife to be blessed and have an honorable marriage, they will work off the same page . . . the page(s) of God’s Word.

Since God is righteous (Psalm 145:17), then all His ways, counsel, direction, and wisdom is right.  You want to know what’s right for your marriage, then both of you work off the same page, God’s Word!

Husband and wives should read the Word together, share with each other what God teaches you each day-by-day from the Word, faithfully attend a Bible teaching and preaching church, be exposed to biblical preaching via podcasts or radio, attend camps and conferences where you can learn the Word together, and live your lives in accordance to God’s right path (Joshua 1:8-9; Psalm 1:1-6; 19:7-14).

Proverbs 14:11 reminds us, There is a way which seems right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.  Since marriage is the union of two selfish individuals whose way seems always best to themselves, it is most wise to walk in the counsel of God’s righteous Word.

The power and place of God’s Word is on display in Psalm 119.  Here’s an action plan. How about each day, you and your spouse read one eight-verse section from Psalm 119.  Take turns reading each verse out loud and stopping after each verse to listen to God and share with each other how that verse applies to your life and marriage.  Then jot down in a journal your thoughts, biblical plans, and the righteous path God has revealed to you as you read, discuss and meditate on the Word.

Finally, enjoy the BONUS—pray together.  Don’t just wait until the end of the day.  Find yourselves praying for and with each other throughout the day and night.  The absolute best place to go with your spouse is to the Throne of Grace (Hebrews 4:14-16).

Now, that’s really working off the same page!!

Get to Work!!

by Dale, posted in Marriage, Uncategorized
underconstruction
That’s a sign that should be posted on the front door of every married couple’s home . . . and never removed. Every marriage is a work in progress and must be worked on every day. Sadly, many marriages look like a run down, unkempt house. How did that house that once was fresh and new become one with windows broken, shingles missing, shutters banging against the wall, and many other signs of neglect and disrepair? It all started with a little neglect here and a little carelessness there. And so it is with marriage. How does that marriage which began with much fanfare and perhaps extravagance become like a broken down house?
  • You take each other for granted.
  • You stop talking to each other, face-to-face, like you did when you were dating; the terms of endearment are few.
  • You let the children take priority over your marriage relationship.
  • You permit the deception of busyness to create unhealthy separation between you.
  • You do not go to bed at the same time. (Understanding that work schedules can be a deterrent)
  • You spend more time with social media than socializing with your spouse.
  • You stop taking care of yourself. Remember how you tried to look good for a date? Why not now? You let yourself go physically, spiritually and mentally.
  • You expect to be served rather than serving each other.
  • You have not used the phrases “I’m sorry” and/or “Please forgive me” in a long, long time.
  • You haven’t held hands in a long time.
  • You live like a victim instead of a victor in Christ.
  • Your kisses are more pecks than “dating specials”!

So, how do you fix a run-down house? One room or area at a time. If you are hearing the shutter knocking against the walls of your marriage, humble yourself in the sight of the Lord and your spouse and start in one area at a time. You don’t repair a house overnight. Be proactive instead of inactive. Put the “Work in Progress” sign back up and by God’s grace, rebuild your marriage. (A good place to start is reading Ephesians 4:18-6:18 to each other.)

And What’s My Excuse?

by Dale, posted in Christian Living, Evangelism, Family, Marriage, Serving, Uncategorized

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She has lovingly taken care of her husband since his dementia diagnosis in 2005.  Now he lies in a hospital bed at home in their beautifully decorated sun room with full-blown Alzheimer’s.  Demonstrating her marriage vows, she wipes his face, pats his head, speaks to him in terms of endearment, cleans up his bed, combs his hair, and listens for any signs of life.

Her home is beautifully attired with all the dressings for Christmas, but one stands out among all others.  Next to her beloved husband’s bed, she has prepared a second tree, “just for him, although he doesn’t even know it’s there.”

“His biological clock has not stopped working.  He wakes up nearly every morning at 5:00 a.m.”  She sleeps in the bedroom next to the sunroom so she can respond to his needs through the night.  “He will cough, but it’s not a real cough.  I think it’s just a ‘Hey, I’m awake cough,’ and I get up to go check on him.”

Sunday evening, my wife, another couple, and I stopped to sing Christmas carols to them.  She had the bar counter prepared with Christmas goodies and fourteen cups set out waiting to be filled with warm apple cider or hot chocolate.  In the midst of her trial, she had gone to great lengths to prepare for company.  I was saddened that she expected a “small crowd,” and it was only a very small crowd of four.

While visiting around the counter and enjoying the tasty treats, this dear lady said something that arrested my attention.  “Last week, I invited some of my friends here for a meal.  We had a house full.  These are folks from up on the mountain where I’m from.  I am concerned about one lady in particular.  I’m not sure she is saved.”

Wow!  I mean, wow!  Here’s a lady whose life is consumed with the care of her husband, and she intentionally prepared a large meal, invited guests to her home, and all for the purpose of sharing the gospel.  In the midst of caring for her born-again husband suffering from the awfulness of the sin-curse and will one day know no more pain or memory loss, she reaches out in compassion to those who will suffer for an eternity in hell, if they do not receive Christ as their personal Savior (John 1:12; 3:16-17).

Enough said.

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd (Matthew 9:36).

And of some have compassion, making a difference (Jude 22).

Clippin’ Grace Coupons in the Ministry

by Dale, posted in Christian Living, Family, Grace, Love, Marriage, Uncategorized

I do not deserve anything.  I am unrighteous (Romans 3:10) and a sinner (Romans 3:23).  How blessed (Ephesians 1:3) to be able to say with confidence, “I know I am saved by the grace of God” (Ephesians 2:8-9), to be able to sing “Amazing Grace My Chains Are Gone,” (Colossians 3:15-17), and to rejoice in the assurance of heaven (John 14:1-6; 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18).

Another grace gift that I do not deserve is the blessed privilege of marriage.  That blessing is increased by virtue of God placing us in ministry together where we serve side-by-side. As I pastor, my wife is my faithful ministry companion who prays for me, disciples ladies and children, and makes our house a welcoming place to bear one another’s burdens.  In the midst of grace-enabled ministry, we both understand that our first ministry is to each other.

Therefore, in what is usually a busy time of the year, we begin the holiday season by visiting a local coffee shop.  There we pull out our calendars and schedule dates that help us set aside time to continue to build our marriage so we are fit to minister to others.  Hence, we are preparing to clip more grace coupons.

Yesterday was one of those dates and it included a trip to our favorite restaurant in Pigeon Forge, TN, The Old Mill Pottery Cafe and Grille.  We like it so much that while attending the Couples Advance in November, we enjoyed their scrumptious food three-days-in-a- row.  (We got others hooked on it, too!)

Then we spent the rest of the afternoon and first part of the evening in one of our top five favorite places . . . Dollywood.  How amazing to walk along hand-in-hand in the midst of a gazillion Christmas lights, sit through three shows that unashamedly gave the gospel, and to be entertained and welcomed in a wholesome way!  Oh, by the way, the coffee and warm, fresh cinnamon roll was good, too!  Brrrr, it was cold outside!!

Truth is, there’s no one I’d rather share these grace gifts of God with than my wife.  Sometimes, we are just like two kids again just soaking up the moment!

We returned home refreshed, blessed, closer to each other, and ready to clip more grace coupons as we minister to others today and through this Christmas season!  God is good!  Grace is sufficient!

Still Growing & Thriving After 62 Years

by Dale, posted in Christian Living, Love, Marriage, Uncategorized
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Dad & Mom watching a Hallmark Christmas movie.

“Well, don’t you look handsome?”

“Here, let me get that for you.”

“Want some popcorn?”

“Here’s a blanket for you.”

“Mil and I have shared many wonderful memories with each other.”

“I love you.”

These are statements that I heard over the Thanksgiving holiday from two people who are still head-over-heels-in-love with each other . . . after 62 years.  Dad and Mom are two sinners redeemed by the blood of Christ, daily needing grace to work at their marriage, and willing to walk in that grace for God’s glory and their marriage.

My in-laws have always been a marriage inspiration to me.  I am sure my father-in-law has his equals, but no one loves their wife any more than he does, and my mother-in-law simply adores her husband.  And yes, they have had their share of conflicts, gripes, hardships, heartaches, and other marriage related issues.

What causes a marriage to continue to grow and thrive even past 62 years?  Well, the answer is found in Scripture.  The answer is found in the daily application of the following grace-enabled commands and principles.

DAILY . . .

  • Soak your soul in the grace of God (2 Corinthians 9:8; 12:9a)
  • Love one another (1 Corinthians 13)
  • Serve one another (Galatians 5:13; 1 Peter 4:10)
  • Walk in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16-26)
  • Submit to God and one another (Ephesians 5:21)
  • Comfort one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18)
  • Forgive one another (Colossians 3:13)
  • Build up, encourage one another (Romans 15:2; 1 Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 10:25)
  • Bear each other’s burdens (Gal. 6:2)
  • Be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving toward one another (Ephesians 4:32,
  • Outdo one another in showing honor (Romans 12:10)
  • Welcome one another as Christ welcomes us (Romans 15:7)
  • Enjoy the act of marriage with only one another (Genesis 2:25; Hebrews 13:4)
  • Make each word a gift not a gripe (Ephesians 4:29)
  • Be hospitable to one another (1 Pet. 4:9)
  • Pray for each another (James 5:16)
  • Imitate Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1)
  • Grow in the application of God’s Word (2 Corinthians 3:18; 2 Peter 3:18)

Marriage is the creation of God and a gift from God (Genesis 2:18-25; Matthew 19:6; Ephesians 5:18-32).  He can help your marriage grow and mature as He so designed if you will submit to Him each day.  Furthermore, a marriage does not run on auto-pilot.  You must make more deposits into your marriage than withdrawals.

If your marriage has grown stale, blah, ordinary, or headed for trouble, then surrender your rights.  Get honest with God and each other.  There’s mercy and grace with the Lord (Matthew 11:28-30; Hebrews 4:16).

If your marriage is thriving, precious, meaningful, and fulfilling, keep doing what you have been doing each day.  Do not take it for granted.  Take one of the aforementioned list and work on it each day or each week. Enjoy the journey together with your eye on Christ and each other.

After our delicious Thanksgiving dinner, we went around the table and shared words of gratitude.  Denise asked, “Dad, what are you thankful for?”  His reply being a man of few words, “Many things.” And then with tears in his eyes, he pointed to Mom and simply said, “Her.” He didn’t need to say anything else.

Still growing and thriving after 62 years.

Clippin’ Grace Coupons in Ministry

by Dale, posted in Christian Living, Faith, Marriage, Pastoring, Uncategorized

Returning to the Place I Meet with God and Study His Word:  How blessed to be able to take advantage of the grace gift of a place to study and prepare messages for each Sunday!  A place of no distractions, very limited cell service, a place to be still and listen to the voice of God speak through His Word and in prayer.  Why do I go there?  The greatest burden I bear each week is the preparation to preach the Word on Sundays and Wednesdays.  My wife asked me yesterday, “When have you stepped out in faith?”  I said, with a chuckle, “When I married you!”  And that is the truth because we have had to lean on the Lord every day of our married lives. Then I followed it up with a more serious answer, “Every week when I prepare to preach.”  Handling God’s Word is no light assignment, and I want to give the sheep I shepherd good grain each week.  Therefore, this new place of study has become very, very dear to me.

Pastor’s Pals:  For years I’ve had the children in the Sunday morning service come up front and sit on the floor with me while I share an object lesson, work with Buddy Bear, sing songs, and teach truths for life.  How precious are these kids . . . many of whom are now in college and/or married. What an awesome privilege and responsibility it is to minister to these little hearts.  My passion is for them to serve the Lord today and to grow up to be more than just good.  I want them to see them be godly and follow the Lord all their days!

A Day With My Wife Getting Our “Batteries” Recharged:  Since coming back from our August Sabbatical, the ministry calendar has been full of the expected as well as the unexpected that is not unexpected with the Lord.  Having planned for this day back in the summer, it came at a great time.  How wonderful to go to one of our favorite get-away places, Dollywood, and hear good Southern Gospel music from two of my favorite groups, Greater Vision and Karen Peck & New River.  How our hearts were stirred and revived as we listened to music that pointed us to Christ, His atoning work on the cross, His power to save and heal, as well as the promise of Heaven.  One song, among many, that encouraged my heart was written by Rodney Griffin. Here are the lyrics and a link if you desire to listen to it.  As a pastor, you’ll understand why it ministered to my heart.
Preacher, Tell Me Like It Is
Preacher,I’d say it’s been a while since you heard this request,
but my spirit is tired and I need rest.
I want to hear from Heaven a clear word from God,
A sermon of conviction straight from the heart.

(verse 2)
I’ve been hearin’ other preachers say I don’t have to change.
The most eloquent of speakers tell me I’m okay.
But it hasn’t eased my conscience and I know it’s not the truth.
So when you stand before us, can I count on you?

(chorus)
Oh Preacher, you say you want to be my friend,
don’t be afraid to call my sin what it is.
And Preacher, tell me I can overcome,
but it’s only by the blood of the Lamb.
Don’t tell me like I wish it was, Preacher tell me like it is.

(verse 3)
So open up the Word and let the Spirit lead,
Preach until I’ve heard God speak to me.
Don’t worry ’bout my feelin’s, don’t worry ’bout my shame,
Just preach the cross of Jesus and that I’m to blame!

(chorus)

(bridge)
Life is quickly passing, the world is fading fast
and the foolishness of preaching is the only hope we have.

(chorus)

http://www.letssingit.com/greater-vision-lyrics-preacher-tell-me-like-it-is-7d3h74r#ixzz4NgBsMm6S

YouTube video: Preacher, Tell Me Like It Is

 

Just continuing to clip “grace coupons” every day!!!

#mondaymarriagematterspart4

by Dale, posted in Love, Marriage, Salvation, Uncategorized
Bike Ride
Continuing the journey of intimacy

Today I will end the week of posts with the last of six reasons why marriage matters (#mondaymarriagematters).

Marriage matters because of its unique intimacy.

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed (Genesis 2:25).

The greatest relationship in all the world is found in the redemptive, justifying work of Jesus Christ on the cross that makes us, who were at one time enemies of God, now reconciled to God, and no longer at enmity with God but set apart to Him for eternity (Romans 3:9-31; 5:1-11; Colossians 1:20-22).  That relationship is offered to all men by faith in the death, burial and resurrection of Christ (John 1:12; 1 Corinthians 15:3-4; Ephesians 2:8-9; 2 Peter 1:2-4).  The cross and resurrection proves that God the Father sent His Son to reconcile the world back to Himself to be restored to eternal fellowship (John 3:16).

There is another special relationship that cannot be duplicated on this planet in any other union except between what God has ordained between only a man and a woman.  That uniqueness is the intimacy found in a husband-wife relationship.  For intimacy to flourish in a marriage relationship to its highest level there must be integrity, trust, and openness.  Adam and Eve were completely at ease with each other at this highest level because at this point in the narrative there was no evil.  There was genuine, pure openness.  Even though evil abounds in our world and in our hearts (Jeremiah 17:9), genuine believers in Christ have the power through the Holy Spirit and the Word of God to experience blessed intimacy with God the Father and in marriage (John 14:16-23; 15:1-27; Romans 8:1-39; Ephesians 5:18-33).

Marriage matters every day of the week, month, year and your life.  As you grow in your intimacy with your spouse, you will be glad you took intimacy seriously.

Here’s my testimony to intimacy that I hope will encourage you: The Gift of 35 Years

#marriagematterspart3

by Dale, posted in God's Creation, Love, Marriage, Uncategorized

Companionship

So, what did God’s Word say to you as you considered from yesterday’s post that marriage is the creation of God, the Originator?

Today we will we consider the second reason why marriage matters #mondaymarriagematters.

Marriage matters because this is God’s ultimate earthly plan for companionship. (Genesis 2:18, 21-22)

God said that it was not good for man to be alone, so he gave Adam a woman, his wife.  Consider the following thoughts with me:

  1. The only thing in God’s creation that He said was “not good” was man being alone.

Genesis 2:18 “begins with the striking announcement by God that the man is not yet as God had planned to be.  Adam is alone, and that state is not good—the only thing in creation that is not good in God’s opinion.  Since the idea of ‘good’ describes that which is appropriate and fitting within the purpose of creation, the man’s being alone was not good, because he could not do all that God had planned for humankind.” (Allan Ross)

  1. Nothing else in the world completes a man, answers the “is it not good” situation except a woman (2:18-20).

This is God’s perfect plan from the beginning.  His ways and thoughts are transcendent and perfect (Psalm 18:30; Isaiah 55:8-9).  Adam did not find this completion in the animal world.  According to the divine, righteous plan of God, He “made a woman” for Adam (2:22).

  1. Both man and woman are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27).

This means that both man and woman are personal, relational, rational, moral beings.

  1. Each in their God-given role, man and woman, complete each other (Genesis 2:18).

The word “helpmeet” in the KJV means:

Help – one who provides what is lacking; not a demeaning term; God created man to need a partner, a wife.

Meet – one who corresponds to physically, socially and spiritually

So, how does this apply to today?

  • A husband and wife should be best friends. There is nothing wrong with a man having time with “his buds” or the wife having some “girl time,” but each should always long to be with their spouse over everyone else.
  • A husband should seek to understand his wife (1 Peter 3:7) and the wife her husband so they can learn each other strengths and weaknesses. This will enable them to “play to each other’s strengths” and support each other’s weaknesses.  Your wife is not your enemy.  You should each be looking out for one another, to help, to assist, to learn, to work together.  There you find completion.
  • The greatest way to understand companionship is to learn of Christ and His relationship with you through His Word in power of the Spirit. God made you for a personal relationship with Him, and you are to love Him with all your heart (Matthew 22:37). Therefore, as husband and wife draw closer to God, they are automatically drawing closer to each other.

More tomorrow . . . because marriage matters.