Category: Marriage

#mondaymarriagematterspart2

by Dale, posted in Marriage

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Yesterday’s post was the foundation for my writings this week.  Today, I want us to consider the first reason why marriage matters.

Marriage matters because it is the creation of God.  He is the Originator. (2:18, 21-22)

What does this mean for marriage? Since God created marriage, then His “Owner’s Manual” (The Word of God, the Bible) is the only place to find out exactly how marriage is to work.  Indeed, the Word is filled with many commands and examples for marriage that if followed would enable men and women to live to the fullest as God intended in the bonds of marriage, even in a sin-cursed world.  Here are a few examples:

  • Genesis 2:18-25
  • 1 Corinthians 13:1-8a
  • Ephesians 4:17-32; 5:21-33
  • Proverbs 18:22
  • Hebrews 13:4
  • 1 Peter 3:1-7
  • Romans 8:1-39
  • Romans 12:1-2
  • Galatians 5:16 – 6:10

Take one passage a day or work through a longer passage for a week.  Read it together, taking turns reading through the verses out loud.  Don’t be in a hurry.  Share what God teaches you, brings to your mind as you read through the Scripture.  Remember, the Holy Spirit is guiding you into truth (John 16:13) helping you to understand God’s plan for your marriage.  Jot down your findings in a journal.  Pray with your spouse as you read through the passage as well as afterwards as you confess, repent, and move forward with your biblical action plan.  Men, you take the lead in this endeavor.  Every issue you face in marriage is addressed in the Word of God!

And, my I remind you, your marriage is more important than your children.  So take the time to build up your marriage and create a good home for your children.

More tomorrow . . . because marriage matters.

#mondaymarriagematters

by Dale, posted in Marriage, Uncategorized

 

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Not too long ago, a #mondaymarriagematters Instagram thread began.  Every Monday, ladies post pictures that recognize something about their husband that is special to them and demonstrate their appreciation through this social media.  Why?  Because marriage matters.

Genesis 2:18-25    And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. 21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

  1. Marriage matters because it is the creation of God. He is the Originator. (2:18, 21-22)
  2. Marriage matters because this is God’s ultimate earthly plan for companionship. (2:18, 21-22)
  3. Marriage matters because of its unique distinction set down by God. (2:19-20)
  4. Marriage matters because of its unique role. (2:23)
  5. Marriage matters because it is God’s plan for the family unit, one man and one woman. (2:24)
  6. Marriage matters because of its unique intimacy. (2:25)

So, marriage matters on Monday, and it also matters the rest of the week, month, year . . . until death parts you.

How are you demonstrating today to your spouse and to God that His awesome, unique creation of marriage matters to you?

The Gift of 35 Years

by Dale, posted in Marriage, Uncategorized

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Monday, my wife and I celebrated our 35th Wedding Anniversary!  Someone asked me, in all seriousness, “Does it really feel like 35 years?”  Well, the truth is, yes.  Now, I really don’t know what 35 years is supposed to feel like, but I will tell what 35 years has provided that is priceless—intimacy.

Now, the world has its own idea of what intimacy is, but for a couple that has used their 35 years to get to know each other, I will say the world doesn’t have a clue.  Intimacy is that special private bond between a couple that only they can understand, express, and enjoy.  They have worked at communicating with each other over the years through words, actions, gestures, deeds, the good and the hard. They have opened their hearts to each other through trust, vulnerability, risks, and faith.  They have developed a love language that is only translated by each other.  They have created a sense of security within that bond that allows for freedom, rest, and assurance.  There’s an ease in each other’s presence that never carries any guilt or regrets whether you are on the beach, in the kitchen, driving in the car or in the bedroom.  They may be in a very public place, but in an instant, they can be in a private world that no one can comprehend.

Intimacy comes through daily giving of yourself to each other in serving, loving, listening, caring, gazing, and connecting.  It all began when you were first married.  You were connected to each other as you looked longingly into each other’s eyes and hung on to every word.  Nothing could seemingly break through the moment! As the years have passed on, you continued to date, talk, gaze, make deposits in your marriage, and work every day at that which only you and your spouse shared.  Today, that intimacy, that private closeness/togetherness, is so strong that nothing can replace it.  That’s what God meant when he said of Adam and Eve, And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed (Genesis 2:25) This is pure intimacy on every level of marriage, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

So, does it feel like 35 years of marriage?  Yes.  35 years of a closeness that is priceless.  By the way, we are working today on 36 years.

A Fit Marriage

by Dale, posted in Marriage, Uncategorized

 

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For several years, my wife and I have been out “hitting the pavement” in the morning.  She walks, and I run, and in all kinds of weather and places.  Oh, how we enjoy getting up early at the beach on vacation and exercising toward the sunrise! We also thoroughly enjoy our country roads and the quiet around our home in East Tennessee.  Indeed we are grateful for our health and ability to get up and exercise in the mornings.

As I said, my wife walks for exercise.  Now, she may be petite but she can “pick’em up and put’em down” when it comes to power walking.  Furthermore, she does not like to run.  I repeat, she does not enjoy running.  Well, what has she done the past two days?  She has run some.  It’s only in short segments, but she is running!  Why?  Because she has heard me say, “I wish you liked to run so we could do this together.”  Folks, this is the kind of stuff that makes a marriage run on premium fuel and stay fit!  When you know your spouse likes something and it’s not something you necessarily care for, but because of your love for him/her, you just try it anyway!  There is no one I’d rather exercise with than my wife. As a matter of fact, she is the one that I love doing anything with more than anyone else!  So, when she ran alongside me yesterday morning, that was way cool!!  I even cut back a few times so we could run together.

Couples, how about working at your marriage by doing something with your spouse that may not be your “cup of tea,” but just because you love each other, you have at it! It will make a rich deposit in your marriage bank account, and you’ll be more fit because of it!!

Men, Stop & Smell the Roses

by Dale, posted in Love, Marriage, Uncategorized

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Marriage is hard work that requires attention every day, but it is well worth the effort!

Tuesday on our way home from vacation, it would have been easy and natural as a man to have just driven straight home.  A quick stop for fuel, coffee and lunch on the way; what else do you need? But, knowing how much my wife loves the flower gardens at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC, it would be a special ending to our vacation.  One of the things that we have practiced in our family since the girls were young was that our vacation begins when we leave home, and the vacation is officially complete when we return home. Therefore, even though our girls are gone, Denise and I still are trying to keep our marriage fresh and our home strong. So, we stopped at Biltmore Estate and walked through the beautiful rose gardens. I knew it would add an extra two hours to our trip, but to see the delight on Denise’s face and to hear the joy in her voice as she looked at all the roses was more than worth the extra time.   That joy would have been missed if I had kept the pedal to the metal and not stopped to smell the roses.

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Also, since we have season passes to Biltmore, there is a special park bench in the corner of the upper garden that has become special to Denise and me.  We just recently began a new marriage devotional book.  The initial challenge for the day was to “plant yourselves anyplace you can view a landscape and make some visual comparisons.”  This was to be done as we read the Scripture passage and the devo.  How awesome to have the mountains in the distance and the fragrant roses at our finger tips to fulfill this directive. To say that it was romantic is an understatement. To say that it was well worth the effort is again an understatement. What a great time we had sharing our hearts surrounded by the stillness and beauty of the garden.  Those moments of romance and spiritual growth would have been missed if I had not taken time to stop and smell the roses . . . literally.

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Men, we are so driven that it is often difficult for us to stop and smell the roses. Our “let’s check that off and move on to the next thing mind” causes us to miss out on some special marriage building moments. Our wife needs us to be thinking ahead or spontaneously just stopping and showing her that, “I was thinking of you.” I know it might take work for some, but it is well worth it. So men, stop and smell the roses. I promise you, you’ll enjoy the fragrance it gives to your marriage, and your wife will like it, too!

The Beloved:  “You are a garden spring, a well of fresh water, and streams flowing from Lebanon.” (Song of Solomon 4:15)

The Shulamite:  “Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south; Make my garden breathe out fragrance, Let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits!” (4:16)

“The fig tree has ripened its figs, and the vines in blossom have given forth their fragrance. Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, And come along!” (2:13).

Get Away!

by Dale, posted in Marriage, Uncategorized

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Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines vacation as “a period of time that a person spends away from home, school, or business usually in order to relax or travel.”  Well, that’s exactly what my wife and I have done for the past nine days.  We got away! Wow!  What an awesome time we had, just the two of us, away.  Seriously, there is no one I would rather be away with than my wife!

Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us that to everything there is a season.  A time for every purpose under heaven.  A vacation as defined as a time “to get away” is necessary for a good healthy marriage.  Life, ministry, jobs, parenting, housework, infants, homework, toddlers, questions, ballgames, finances, disappointments, good things, etc., can fill up your world so quickly that as a couple, you live on two different tracks trying to achieve goals and/or “put out fires.”  In the meantime, your marriage suffers.  There is no communication, intimacy, fun, recreation, prayer, Bible study, or quiet time to just be together.

Couples, do you plan each year at least one weekend or a week-long get away?  If you don’t, please do so!  You need time to get away so you can drink from your own cistern and rejoice with the wife of your youth (Proverbs 5:15, 18). You need to get away so you can have time to be enraptured in each other’s embrace (5:20) without a cell phone notification or a child calling your name! You need to get away so you can play and sing the Song of Solomon!  You need to take a cue from Shulamite as she says to her beloved, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away (2:10).

When our girls were growing up, my wife and I regularly dated, went away for overnighters and even took week-long trips without them.  When they were young, we would remind them that we were getting away to build a stronger home for them.  A healthy home begins with a heathy marriage.

What have you planned for your get away as a couple this year?

Why do we get away?  Because our marriage is worth it.  We need it.

A Marriage Moment

by Dale, posted in Love, Marriage, Uncategorized

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STOP!  Have you and your spouse looked at each other today and communicated?  Have you expressed your love for one another?  Have you shared your heart with each other?  Have you gone beyond the normal, routine chatter of the day?  Have you hugged and passionately kissed each other today?  Have you prayed together today (meals don’t count)? Have you expressed gratitude for each other today?

Okay, now that you have finished with my questions, did you answer “no” to any of them? If so, GO take care it right now!  And if the answer was “yes,” GO do it again!

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. (Proverbs 5:18)

Marriage Matters: Building or Maintaining

by Dale, posted in Marriage

 

Since my son-in-law was with me in Nashville Monday and Tuesday, our daughter decided to “camp-out” with her mother.  For entertainment, they took a video tour of the past thirty years of life in the Cunningham family.  I received a picture text of me when I was in my 30’s from my wife, and they were making fun of it!!!  Have mercy!  I understand. Oh, the changes that come with age.  Suffice it to say, when it comes to the covering on my head, it’s “hair today and gone tomorrow” for sure!

Denise and I have been married for 33 ½ years.  Much has changed for both of us through those years.  Bless her heart, she really didn’t know what she was getting into when she said, “Yes,” and “I do.”  Change is inevitable. Life happens.  So, how do you keep your marriage fresh through all the changes?  How can you still love to be with each other even after all the children are gone?  How can you laugh with and at each other in a good natured way?  The answer is, build your marriage every day and don’t live in a maintenance mode.  In other words, what have you added to your marriage to keep it fresh, new, rewarding and adventurous rather than just existing like you were living in the same old house with the same old carpet and the same old curtains with the same old moth balls?

  1. Pray together often and keep short accounts of sin!
  2. Kiss and hold hands every day!
  3. Live today as if it were your last day together here on earth!
  4. Do something fun together; get out of that rut! Act like you are dating again . . . because you are!
  5. Eat your supper together by putting a small table in front of the fireplace and be romantic!
  6. Read good books about marriage, such as Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerich
  7. Learn to laugh again, at yourself!!!
  8. Go to bed at the same time (unless your work schedule interferes)!

These are just some simple thoughts, but as you age, there’s enough “going south” in our bodies to create issues.  At least stay away from your marriage falling into the boring maintenance mode.  Continue, by the grace of God, to build, create, develop a marriage that will last beyond the receding hairline!!

(The pic on the left is from my senior year in high school and the one on the right is something we have done for years and continue to do for a good laugh in the car!)

Friday’s Findings

by Dale, posted in Christian Living, Church, Heaven, Love, Marriage, Men, Praise & Worship, The Bible

What a week this has been!  Winter raised its frigid head and blew in a storm of gnarly winds, bone-chilling temps, yet layered the ground with a pristine blanket of snow.  Quite, frankly, its just been another typical week in the life of a child of God.  And as always, it must be said, “God is good all the time; all the time God is good.”  So, here’s a few blog posts to end the week that you might find edifying, challenging, and humorous.  Looking for the Lord Jesus Christ to return today!  Will He find you and me watching and faithful? I heard Dr. Charles Wagner say many years ago in a sermon, “The imminent return of Christ should have immediate effects upon my life!”

Why Don’t Choir Members Smile

Three Reasons Why Bible Reading Can Feel Like a Chore

Fifteen Ways to Honor Your Wife

Our Home Heating Unit Is Broken and We Think It’s Funny

Only Just For Fun

Marriage Matters: At the Altar

by Dale, posted in Marriage, Men, Prayer

While scrolling through my Facebook page yesterday, this beautiful picture brought back an extremely special memory.  Two years ago, my wife and I celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary at Whitestone Inn, Kingston, TN (Whitestoneinn). While strolling along through the property, we walked into this beautiful, pristine chapel. After surveying the building, I took Denise by the hand and we knelt at the altar.  I will never forget the tears, the joy, the offering of thanks, the reminiscing, the closeness to each other and our God, and the uninterrupted time at the Throne of Grace.

Men, why do we need to pray with our wives? 

1.  Leadership

We need to take the lead in prayer. Most wives are waiting for you to do so.  Even if she has been born again longer than you, she wants you to take the lead.  She loves to hear you pray.  She loves to hear you call out her name in prayer.  The issue is not you “getting all the prayer words right.”  The issue is Jesus Christ, Who makes our feeble prayers powerful and perfect before the Throne because He is our Righteous Advocate (1 John 2:1-2).

Men always ought to pray and not lose heart (Luke 18:1)

2.  Intimacy

The greatest intimacy you will know is when you are bowing before the Throne of Grace acknowledging your need personally and for your marriage. Men, we must not be afraid to get honest with God in the presence of our wives.  They will respect you more for your transparency and dependence upon Almighty God as you seek His face for guidance, answers, and wisdom.

Bow down Your ear, O Lord, hear me; for I am poor and needy. (Psalm 86:1)

Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.  For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16)

3.  Understanding 

Praying with your wife enables you to dwell with them in an understanding way, and it honors your wife, your sister in Christ. When you start praying with your wife and listening to her pray, then will cease the sad statement heard by men the world over, “I will never understand my wife!”

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)

Men, you don’t have to find a chapel altar, although it would certainly be special.  If your wife is seated, you kneel at the chair, take her by the hands, and pray for and with her.  When you go to bed, take her by the hand and lead in prayer before you drift off to sleep.  When the call for prayer is heard from the pulpit, take her by the hand and go to the altar and pray with her.  If you are on a date, stop by a creek on that hike and have prayer together or in the coffee shop or in the car.  That prayer altar can be anywhere . . . because God is there.  Marriage matters at the altar.