She did not know what she was getting into!
On June 20, 1981, Denise and I walked down the aisle, arm-in-arm, as newlyweds into a life of local church ministry that has continued for over 41 years.
Continue reading “The Pastor’s Wife”
Everywhere you turn it’s a fall color explosion especially when set off by the evening sun!
That’s your cue!
Continue reading “Get Off the Interstate: It’s Fall, Y’all!!”
Feeble and weak, he shuffled a bit wobbly toward the couch carrying a prized possession. In my 89 year old father-in-law’s hand was a photo mousepad. As he sat down on the couch next to me he said, “This is a picture of Mil (Mildred) and me after our first date.” He then proceeded to tell, with great delight, a bit of laughter, and a tear of joy how he got his sister to sit in the back seat of the car so the girl of his dreams would join him in the front seat. And as they say, “The rest is history.”
Continue reading “He Adores Her”
A hurry-up life-style results in a throwaway culture.
Chuck Swindoll
Indeed, many, many marriages are thrown away or put-on-the-back-burner because of the hurried pace and expectations of today’s society. There’s little time to develop attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterize the culture of a good, godly marriage.
So, I offer a simple solution that can have positive “cultural” effects by way of two examples. If you don’t live in East Tennessee or travel these roads, just adapt to your neck-of-the-woods!
Continue reading “Get Off the Interstate: Picnic for Two With a View”
There she was, sleeping so soundly. After a very draining week emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually, my wife was snuggled securely in bed in a deep slumber.
“What time is it? What day is it?” Those were her words when I awakened her.
Slowly she crawled out of bed and began to make herself ready for the day.
What day was it? Sunday.
What time was it? Suffice it to say, she had overslept!! Didn’t hear her alarm either.
We have pre-service prayer meeting on Sundays at 8:30. As I watched the clock and began to fix her a to-go breakfast, she came down the stairs. My wife was ready to go to church on the outside, but I could see that she was not on the inside. And based upon my ever present “I’ll fix this situation” manhood, I declared, “I’ll go on ahead, and you can come in your Jeep.”
Wait a minute! It’s raining, she’s fighting off a migraine, and she is definitely not crusin’ along on all eight cylinders.
It was then and there that my first ministry captured my attention. Serving my wife was more important than being at prayer meeting on time. She had no business driving by herself. She needed her husband. She needed her pastor. She needed her friend.
Pastors, Christian leaders, missionaries, we are so prone to put the ministry above our wives, leaving her in the dust with her brood as she carries seven diaper/book bags, Bibles, a purse, and wearing her “running shoes” to keep up with you. I mean, after all, you are the pastor and you must be there to open the door and lead in prayer! What will people think if you are late!!!
Men, you know the words of Matthew 22:37-39 quite well. May I encourage you to remember that your wife is your neighbor. She is to be loved more than your church congregation (Ephesians 5:25). Your ministry to your wife, and your church member, I might add, is an example to all the other believers. She is your first ministry.
Fighting the urge to drive a bit more aggressively and take some of the curves on two wheels, we had a nice, easy and enjoyable journey.
Interesting enough, folks gathered for prayer as always, and . . . we were the second ones in the parking lot. No harm done. Compassionate, caring love shown to my wife.
Thank You, Lord, for stopping me in my tracks and reminding me what is of greater value.
“C’mon, Hon. Take your time. I’ll wait. Let’s go together.”
“So teach us to number our days” prays Moses as recorded in Psalm 90:13. Not years but days. So much is missed in our life if we do not live in the moment, the day, and enjoy the scenic route!!
So you’re travelling on Interstate 26 between Asheville, NC, and Johnson City, TN. Exchange the hustle and bustle of four-lane life for a slower change of pace. Here you go!
Nestled on the corner of N. Main and Florida Street, you will enter a piece of bakery paradise!
For breakfast, how about the Quiche which comes in three flavors or the Chorizo Breakfast Burrito or . . . have mercy, the Pecan Streusel Roll!!!
Coffee? Yes . . . Jamaican Me Crazy!!
For lunch, I highly recommend their Turkey Pretzel Roll or Grilled Cheese and if available, the Tomato Soup!
Don’t leave without taking a Ginger Molasses Cookie or a Mountain Éclair to enjoy later.
There is limited outdoor seating on the front sidewalk and along Florida Street.
Many times over the years I have left the interstate for a coffee and cookie at Well Bred!!
You will want to stroll the couple of blocks on either side of Well-bred on Main Street of this cozy community.
Be ready for eclectic décor and excellent food! Their website says it well!
Begin with a trendy location just 10 minutes from Asheville, NC. Stir in a whimsical blend of artifacts and artful spaces. Season with provocative offerings of American, Greek and European cuisine. Add a dash of funk and a smidgen of comfy cool. Top it off with owners who bring tremendous heart and skill to the table, treating you more like family. Garnish with smiles all around.
Denise and I, and friends, have tried many of their menu offerings over the years and have never been disappointed. For lunch, I suggest the Jamaican Shrimp Wrap or Tacos Pescado. For supper, how about the Meatloaf or Salmon or Chicken Piccatta!!
I’m ready to stop typing and head on down the road to the Knob!!!
You have to be going there on purpose to find it, but once you drive down the lane, you are surrounded by the stillness of it all! Yes, you are tucked away from busy life, yet you are minutes from the Blue Ridge Parkway and the uniqueness of Asheville, NC.
Our stay included the Trillium Room, which had a great view, plus playing ping pong and pool. Rest and enjoying each other’s company was enhanced by the sitting room and a walk around the property. This would be a great place for a birthday or anniversary celebration!
So, number your days. Live in the moment. Plan or be spontaneous!
Scenic Route Marriage Tip: Husbands, you may be wired to get from point A to point B in the quickest, shortest time possible. Unwire and surprise your wife with an intentional get-out-of-the-car-nofastfood meal or get a cookie and coffee and enjoy time seated on the sidewalk with your sweetheart! Live today!
Travelling can become a very boring routine no matter your destination!
Do you take the interstate on all of your trips?
Do you only eat at fast-food chain restaurants?
Do you just stop for a quick restroom break and it’s back to beatin’ the pavement?
Suggestion: Slow down, get off the path everyone else is taking and enjoy the journey! Take the scenic route! Getting “there” is not the main goal. It’s living in the moment that God has given and making investments in the lives around you. That includes the people in your car and the many outside your vehicle!
So, let me give you some trip tips to make the journey more enjoyable.
I will begin in this post with the section of I-75 between Corbin and Lexington, Kentucky. Here’s a few neat spots to stop for a meal or overnight lodging.
MEALS
LODGING
There’s much more to see in America than Buc-ee’s!!!! So, check back with me in the days to come as I share other neat places on the scenic route . . . off the interstate!!
Scenic Route Marriage Tip: Side trips like these provide time to talk, listen, hold hands, share, kiss, slow down and enjoy the gift of marriage! Helps you get out of and stay out of the rut of mindless routine that traps many marriages.
A marriage declines over a period of time. As I said at the beginning of this series, no man decides on a whim to get a divorce.
Sadly, the decline occurs when marriages experience more “withdrawals” than “investments.”
Obviously, if you continue to use your debit card without putting any funds in the bank, your withdrawals will overcome your investments and your are overdrawn. You have a negative bank balance.
Some husbands and wives are overwhelmed in their marriage; their “marriage bank account” is depleted and dry.
If that is you, may I encourage you make the following investments?
Investment #1: Believe that no marriage is too far gone to be recovered and renewed by God’s grace.
The absolute, preeminent starting point for every sin, heartache, issue, perplexity, uncertainty, fear, sorrow, risk, hardship, etc. is with God (Psalms 61:1-3; 66:1-5; Matthew 11:28-30).
Read, meditate and pray through each of the passages of Scripture given above and below and others, calling out to God on behalf of your spouse and your marriage. The best investment you can make is prayer! Please don’t underestimate the power of God in prayer! He is able, and His grace is sufficient!!
Ah, Lord God! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for You. (Jeremiah 32:17)
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:29-31)
And God is able to make all grace [every favor and earthly blessing] come in abundance to you, so that you may always [under all circumstances, regardless of the need] have complete sufficiency in everything [being completely self-sufficient in Him], and have an abundance for every good work and act of charity. (2 Corinthians 9:8 AMP)
Investment #2: Forgive one another now and often.
Our old sin nature and our heart will lie to us telling us that we don’t deserve such treatment; that we have a right to be happy; that holding a grudge and seeking revenge is the way to go!
At this point, you must look at the cross and see Christ taking your place as your substitute (Isaiah 53:4-6; 1 Peter 2:24), paying the price for all your sin by His blood and forgiving you all of your sin, past, present, and future (Ephesians 1:7; Colossians 1:13-14; Hebrews 9:22). Now you are no longer under condemnation or the wrath of God (Romans 5:8-9; 8:1).
With that view, if you are born again; a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ, then you cannot hold a grudge over your spouse, pour out your wrath upon him or her, or keep a record of wrongs done to you, in other words, get “historical.” Just as you have received the covering and removal of your sin by the precious blood of Christ in forgiveness, you must forgive, too!
There’s a form of debt in your marriage (and all relationships) far more dangerous than financial debt.
It’s relational debt.
“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” (Matthew 6:12)
In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus is not talking about personal finances or budget. Instead, he’s talking about something that’s supposed to happen in healthy relationships—forgiveness.
Why is it such a struggle to forgive? Why don’t people forgive at all? The sad reality is that there is short-term power, albeit destructive, in refusing to forgive the other person. There are dark “benefits” in keeping someone else in our relational debt.
Keeping a record of our spouse’s wrongs gives us the upper hand in the relationship. There is power in having something to hold over another’s head. There is power in using a person’s weakness and failure against them, so in moments when we want our own way, we pull out some wrong against our spouse as our relational trump card.
How ugly and selfish is that?
It seems almost too obvious to say, but forgiveness is a much better way than unforgiveness. It’s the only way to live in an intimate, long-term relationship with another sinner. It’s the only way to negotiate through the weakness and failure that will daily mark your marriage.
Forgiveness is a relational transaction that needs to occur in moments when sin has gotten in the way of the unity, love, and understanding between a husband and wife (or any two people for that matter).
Paul David Tripp
Forgiveness lifts the burden off our shoulders of bearing wrongs and restores what has been broken.
The more you are willing to pursue forgiveness, the more you experience its blessings. It’s the only way to deal with hurt and disappointment. It’s the only way to have hope and confidence restored. It’s the only way to protect your love and reinforce the unity that you have built. It’s the only way not to be kidnapped by the past.
Canceling relational debt is a beautiful and necessary thing, not only for your marriage but in every single relationship in your life. (Paul David Tripp, Wednesday Word, 2/23/2022)
What investments will you make in your marriage today? Grace and forgiveness will restore any broken relationship if you will “lay down your sword” and run to the cross in utmost humility. (James 4:1-3, 6-10)
So far this series, we have seen at least four ways to divorce-proof your marriage:
Now, you say, “How did you come up with this list?” These are common threads seen in all the couples we have counseled over the years whose marriages were falling apart.
The fifth way to make sure your marriage is divorce-proof is to make communication a priority.
Let’s begin with the “mute” side of things:
How do you correct this “mute” situation?
Recently, while standing in line at a funeral calling, I became acquainted with a young man in front of me. He asked me how long I had been married, and I said, “41 years and it’s gets better every year.” Quickly he said, “What’s your secret?” I answered “Work at your marriage every day.”
So, which one of you will start the conversation going today?
So, you just had another disagreement. Cross, jabbing words were spoken. Anger is written all over your face. The strength of the door frame and hinges have been tested again. You are courtroom sure that you are in the right! What are you going to do?
The fourth way to make sure your marriage does not end up in divorce is to humble yourself and not wait to seek help.
Marriages don’t disintegrate over night. They eventually reach the critical point when:
If you are in this situation, stop fooling yourself into thinking it will get better.
First, admit to God your problem/sin as well as your insufficiency to correct it.
Second, be honest with your spouse in a loving manner.
Third, call on a trusted friend, pastor or mentor who will give you loving, forth-right biblical counsel (not tell you what you want to hear).
Forth, repent and change.
Last of all, walk by faith in the principles and promises of God’s Word.
Proverbs 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.
Proverbs 11:14 Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety
Proverbs 26:12 Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
Ecclesiastes 7:8 Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.
James 4:6 But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
If you are in vocational Christian ministry and your marriage needs refreshment; perhaps a caring, listening ear, and/or a place to just get away, please contact me at bcbcpastor@comcast.net. My wife and I would love to connect with you!
From A Pastor's Heart 