Pastors & Valentine’s Day

There it was! In the midst of all the Christmas decorations on clearance, Valentine’s Day and Easter were making their presence well-known on the retail shelves!

Yes, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Perhaps you have a church banquet planned or some Sweetheart event. Maybe February 14 is not a part of your planning for 2025.

No matter, my question for you ministry friend is, what plans have you made to celebrate Valentine’s with your sweetheart?

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The Dating Day – Valentines!!

So where are you and your spouse headed for your Valentine’s Day date?  Perhaps you have already had your date?  Is dating a consistent part of your marriage? One of the most neglected aspects of marriage is continuing to date after marriage.

Remember when you were dating before marriage?  Oh, how you planned, maybe even connived to accomplish seeing each other?  Nothing would stop you.  HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!  May I ask a question?  Why did you stop dating after you were married?  Have you stopped?  Why?

Here are some ideas to help you put that dating spark back into your marriage:

  • After you put the kids to bed, play a game of Farkel and eat popcorn. (Hint: One of the best things you can do for your marriage is put your kids to bed at a certain time and don’t let them grow up sleeping with you.)
  • Talk a walk down the street/road/through the park, hand-in-hand, telling each other why you love them.
  • Share an ice cream cone from Dairy Queen, Chickfila or Sonic. Take your time and enjoy each other’s company.
  • Let the kids romp in the playground at Burger King or at the park, and the two of you hold hands, put your arm around each other (you have to sit on the same bench to do so!), talk, and tell your kids, this is your time. They need to learn to respect you and your space.  It won’t hurt ‘em!  After all, you are teaching them what marriage really looks like so they will be prepared when the times come for them to be married.
  • Spend some time under the stars and no cell phones!!!!!!!!!!
  • Cook a meal together.
  • Watch a bunch of funny, clean videos on Youtube and laugh and laugh and laugh, or stop by a local card store and read all the funny cards to each other.
  • Men, if you are having trouble coming up with what to talk about to your wife, here’s some help: Date Night Questions

Don’t make excuses for not dating!  All of the suggestions above are cheap, but marriage is not cheap.  It’s worth the investment!!  The key is having a time set aside in your weekly calendar that is reserved for just the two of you.

And . . . husbands, you take the lead in setting up and fulfilling the dates. This will speak volumes to your wife!

So, let this Valentine’s Day date either be the renewal of a great habit or another day of a refreshing deposit in your marriage journey!

The Month of Love (N)

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Here we are in the middle of February, and we continue the V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E acrostic on ways to make this a blessed month of growth and change in biblical marriage.

With “N” being the middle letter as it comes between V-A-L-E and T-I-N-E, let us be reminded to let NOTHING come between you and your spouse in this blessed grace gift!

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The Month of Love (L)

Using the acrostic V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E, here’s some ideas to help make this a blessed month of growth and change in biblical love. (Click here for V-A)

L – Love your spouse unconditionally.

Love is an action verb, yet it is not dependent upon you to love unconditionally.

As a born again believer living the Christ-life, we surrender to the Trinity to love unconditionally as we ought.

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The Month of Love (V-A)

Hey! If you haven’t already noticed, Valentine’s Day is approaching! Are you ready?

Sadly, for many married couples, Valentine’s Day is . . .

  • A day to make up for the other 364 days
  • A disappointment
  • One of unfulfilled expectations

Using the acrostic V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E, here’s some ideas to help make this a blessed month of growth and change in biblical love.

Continue reading “The Month of Love (V-A)”

Just Being Together

Valentine’s Day seems to call for “over-the-top” dates, gifts and excitement. And, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. To me, Valentine’s Day is exciting and adventuresome in so many ways!!

This year, our Valentine’s Day was not a fancy affair at all. Quite frankly, this year’s “day of love” was simply . . . just being together. It was so special as we literally took the scenic route in marriage !!

For starters, I fixed Denise’s favorite breakfast, French Toast, and served it with ham and assorted fruit. Everything was plated and served on a tray in the family room.

We shared cards, and my Sweetheart gave me a gift. She received a dozen roses on Friday!

Mid-morning, I gave Denise an optional plan for the day which included some of our favorite destinations. She surprised me with an option not mentioned—-Let’s go hiking!” Well, that was music to my ears!!

We headed out with our trail lunch and hiking gear for Rocky Fork State Park and Whitehouse Cliffs. This is a two-mile round-trip hike that is a somewhat strenuous, consistent climb. We took our time, stopping for a hug here-and-there and genuinely enjoying the quiet solitude.

From there, we headed south to Weaverville to Well-bred Bakery for a slice of delicious raspberry chiffon cake!! Oh my!! Light and tasty!! Definitely pairs well with “Jamaican me crazy” coffee. We were hoping to eat at Stoney Knob Restaurant, but they are closed on Mondays. So we decided to eat our supper backwards beginning with dessert.

Pink Champagne Cake

Denise had declared earlier in the day that it sure would be cool to be up on Wolf Laurel at sunset! Well, well, well, your wish is my desire! Supper options are very slim between Weaverville and Wolf Laurel Mountain, but I remembered a pizza shop just off the exit. Been living on a whim all day anyway, why not try it! Delish! Chicken ranch pizza in a styrofoam box at the top of mountain with a stellar sunset and your gal—romantic and delightful!!!

What was the best part of a somewhat unplanned, spur-of-the-moment Valentine’s Day? Just being together!

Guys, ask your girlfriend or your wife what they like most, and I would venture to say that the majority would answer, “Time with you.”

Just being together on the scenic route in marriage is always a win!!

Valentine’s Day Date Ideas

Ready for Monday?

Here’s a few ideas for a fun, romantic date.

Game Night Date: Choose three eating establishments (coffee shop, restaurant, bakery). Take three games (Shut the Box, Take Two, Quixx) and play a game at each location. Start off with a game at Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks. Make reservations for dinner at Chop House. Drive to Bristol and enjoy Blackbird Bakery. Game on!

Bookstore Date: After a meal out, head on over to a local bookstore and locate a cozy corner. Find a book for each of the following categories, five books in all. 1) A travel book that describes your dream vacation spot. After locating the book, bring it back to your table and read about it to your spouse. Put the books away and search for . . . 2) A children’s book that you enjoyed in your childhood. Return to your table and read it to each other. Put the books away and search for . . . 3) A book of love poems. Same as #2, but be sure to hold hands and look into each other’s eyes. 4) A hobby book. Same as #2. 5) A cookbook with a recipe that you would surely enjoy! Do the same as #2. Book it!

Put the Kids to Bed Date: After the kids are tucked into bed with instructions to stay in bed, order up a pizza. Pull out the china or good dinnerware and have a candle-light pizza party in your bedroom. Play some romantic music. Verbally share 14 reasons why you love each other. Talk about ways to grow your marriage and mature your love for each other. Take it from there!

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

Guilt-Free Valentine’s Day

Who’s getting married this Valentine’s Day weekend?

According to the LA Times, “Valentine’s Day is L.A.’s hottest wedding day” of the year. “In the last decade, Los Angeles County couples have chosen Valentine’s Day for their weddings more often than any other day — by far.” (LA Times, February 14, 2019)

The subject of Valentine’s Day and marriage is way cool to me! Having been married 40 1/2 years (June 20), I can tell you that romance, love, dating and all that comes with being married is a rich blessing! It’s fun, adventurous, takes daily maintenance and is way cool! Now, hang on a minute. Don’t get the idea that our marriage has been “and they lived happily ever after!” because that has never happened in any marriage!!

Although God created marriage (Genesis 2:18-25) in a perfect state and environment, sin crept in and marred the blessed arrangement. The issue today is not marriage but two sinners coming together in marriage.

Speaking of sin, there is a one that has been swiftly gaining ground in America and around the world for the past few decades, especially in the 2000’s—-couples living together before marriage or living together and never being united in marriage. Folks, I say this from a heart that cares for you and is at the same time grieved by how sin continues to mar the sacred gift of holy matrimony.

First of all, no matter how hard you try to make life work your way, God’s way is always the best because His way is perfect (Psalm 18:30), righteous and holy (Psalm 145:17), one of steadfast love and faithfulness (Psalm 25:10), and higher than your ways (Isaiah 55:9). We are exhorted in Galatians 6:7-8 that you cannot “out-box” God nor can you get away with your sin. Therefore, living together outside of the bonds of marriage is an affront to God. It is living in rebellion, sin, and pride.

Second, God says marriage is to be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous (Hebrews 13:4). Please let this passage sink into your heart! Because marriage was created by God, it is to be held in honor.

Grant Richison in his commentary on this passage says correctly, Marriage is “honorable” because it is a divine institution. It is the basic building block for society. The word “honorable” means to hold with great esteem. Physical love among married people is “honorable.” It is something that must be held in great respect. It is intimate companionship (Gen. 2:18). Any form of sex outside of husband and wife is dishonorable in God’s eyes.

The undefiled marriage bed belongs only to a husband and wife who have been united in marriage. Sex between a man and his wife is holy, pure, and beautiful, but is defiled and perilous to the couple who choses to live together and have sex outside the bounds of marriage.

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality . . . . Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:9, 18).

He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away. (Proverbs 6:32-33).

Sex is for marriage, and marriage is for sex. God wants us to save sex for marriage not because it’s “bad” or “dirty”— but because it’s unique, exclusive, and wonderful. Sex isn’t just casual fun. And it’s not just a feel-good way of expressing mutual love. It’s about two people becoming one flesh. Jesus says, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?” (Matthew 19:4-5, ESV; quoting from Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:24). [Focus on the Family]

As noted earlier, God’s ways are always best. God created marriage and has laid down His instructions for marriage. Life does not work in rebellion against its Creator. Furthermore, you don’t own marriage, God does. Therefore, you do not have the right to “call the shots” as to how you will handle marriage and all that God has intended for it. A man who surrenders to the will of God will never live with regret and shame (Psalm 32).

If you are living with someone outside the bonds of marriage, repent and run to the cross of Christ and accept God’s forgiveness. Also, please read the following: Three Lies About Premarital Sex

Valentine’s Day can be a guilt-free holiday of romance and joy if you follow God’s way!

Valentine’s Day Everyday!

Roses

Top 6 Valentine’s Day Facts for 2022 by Wallethub.com
$23.9 Billion: Total Valentine’s Day spending projected for 2022 ($175.41 per person celebrating).
$235 vs. $119: Men will spend almost twice as much as women, on average, for Valentine’s Day 2022.
$10.7 Billion: Amount Americans will spend on jewelry ($6.2B), flowers ($2.3B) and candy ($2.2B).
26%: Share of marriages that begin online.
33%: Overall online dating activity increase across the US between February 1 and February 14.
58%: Share of Americans who say that romantic gestures are more important to them now than they were pre-pandemic.

Valentine’s Day is a very special day, and it’s fun to try to express our love in big ways and in small ways, too!

Did you know that you can have Valentine’s Day everyday?

How?  Just work at your marriage by the grace of God each day. Make more investments in your relationship than you do withdrawals. Here’s a few suggestions:

  1. Tell your spouse each day, “I love you.”
  2. Kiss your spouse each day–not a peck on the cheek or lips, either!
  3. Hold hands as you walk through the store, down the sidewalk, into church, etc.
  4. Take 10-30 minutes each day to pay attention and communicate with each other.  No distractions (kids, phones, TV, etc).  You can do it! And look into each other’s eyes, too!
  5. Leave love notes around the house, in the car, in his shirt pocket, in her purse, on the bathroom mirror by using a dry erase marker, etc.
  6. Text each other throughout the day expressing your love for one another and what you are up to at the moment.
  7. Be demonstrative in your love toward your spouse in front of the children.  They need to see what marriage is really like.
  8. Plan an inexpensive date (A ride in the car after supper, a walk through the park, some time spent on the back porch, a personal pan pizza served on china plates after the kids are in bed, read old love letters and cards, shut the door to your bedroom making it off limits to the kids, listen to some old love songs, recreated a date from before you were married, watch your wedding video, etc.)
  9. Open the door (car, home, store) for your wife.  Seat her at the table, too.
  10. Look for opportunities each day to say, “I love you. I am thinking of you.”  If you don’t know what to do, pray about it . . . seriously.
  11. Give the gift of time.

Big event days and big gifts are indeed fun.  But, it’s the things you do the other 364 days that make Valentine’s Day so special!

Huh?

Communication!  Wow!  For 5 1/2 years this has been more of a challenge than it has ever been in our marriage.  Why?  Because of my hearing.  Now, I am guilty at times of the “selective hearing syndrome” that we men seem to contract in older years.  In all seriousness, my hearing is declining hampered in my left ear especially, and with my wife’s soft voice, . . . oh, brother!

One of most needed areas of constant attention in a marriage is communication.  How interesting that I make a living talking, yet the lack of communication has been such a struggle for me in our marriage.  I can talk the “hind legs off of a mule” but struggle to interact consistently with my precious wife.  So, in a transparent fashion, I hope to help us in a crucial area of marriage.

Why do we as men need to take time, to make the effort to listen, to talk, and to thoroughly communicate with our wife?

 1.  Our wives need the security of our listening ear.

They want to know that what matters to them matters to us.  They want to know that they are more important than Joe at work, Josh Heupel in his orange and white, and Michaels and Collingsworth on Sunday night!   For many wives, if they are moms at home with little ones, all they have had all day is communication on a three and/or five year olds level.  They need adult interaction when the hubs gets home without his iPhone, iPad and other distractions.

  • Ephesians 5:23 – God intends for the man to be the head, the leader in the home. Wives find security in our loving, servant leadership.  One of the greatest ways you can serve your wife in a Christlike fashion is to talk and listen to her.  Doesn’t Christ always listen to us?

 2.  Our wives want to know what we are thinking because they love us and intimacy is very dear to them.

  • 1 Peter 3:7 – We will begin to understand our wives when we open up to them because they will feel free to share their heart since you have been open, honest and transparent with them.

 

3.  Our wives need to hear communication that glorifies God.

  • 1 Corinthians 10:31 – or whatsoever you do includes our communication with our spouse.
  • Ephesians 4:25 – Our wife is our neighbor and we are members one of another if we are born again believers.
  • Ephesians 4:29 – Good, grace-filled communication that edifies the hearer glorifies God.

Please do me a favor.  Don’t make excuses or think my comments are one-sided.  I realize it takes two to make a marriage, but the point of it all is, God expects us to lead and live with our wives as loving, serving leaders.  Begin by simply taking 10-15 minutes-a-day to look at each other, no distractions, and listen to each other; talk to each other.  By the way, remember when you were dating?  Both of you would hang onto every word . . . even when you didn’t have anything to say on the phone, you just loved to hear each other breathe!!!  🙂

Get honest on your knees before God.  Ask Him to give you strength, ears to hear, words to say, a humble spirit and a passion to glorify God.

I reckon I’d better turn up my hearing aids!! 🙂

Men and Women Text Differently – Tim Hawkins brings some humor to it all.  Enjoy this short video. K?